Jokes thread

[Buffalo Souljah]

A cheeseburger walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

Your turn.

[¿Que?]

Q: How do you say "Soy Milk" in Spanish.
A: I am leche.

Sorry it's horrible, but I made it up.

[Lord Testicles]

What's the difference between a fascist and a trampoline?

You pull your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

[ChrisK]

The US government for some reason decides that they have too many generals. So they come up with a plan to get three generals to retire, they will give them a retirement bonus, in which they will have a distance of their choice measured on their bodies and for each foot measured they'll get a million dollars.

First comes in an Army general. He has them measure his height, which turns out to be six feet. He leaves with six million dollars.

Next comes an Air Force general. He has them measure from the tips of his toes to his finger tips held above his head. That ends up being seven feet and he leaves with seven million dollars.

Finally, in comes a Marine general. He askes them to measure from the tip of his penis to his balls. The orderly says, "You won't get much money that way sir, perhaps a better measurement?"

The Marine refuses and demands he measure from the tip of his penis to his balls. The orderly begins the measurements before exclaiming, "Where are your balls!?"

"Vietnam."

[A.J.]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism.
Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government.
We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people.
The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has shit his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parents" room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father shagging the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit. "