Paranoia

[¿Que?]

From what I've seen on these forums, I know a few of us suffer from mental illnesses. A few of us also have experimented with or habitually use mind altering substances such as marijuana, lsd, etc.

Being as we are openly opposed to the government and all I'd imagine some of us have at some points experienced paranoid delusions or delusional thoughts that although irrational, may have at the time seemed perfectly reasonable and made perfect sense.

I thought it'd be interesting and maybe helpful if we posted our experiences with paranoia, whether our own or of people we cared about, without fear of judgment or ridicule.

I'll go a head and tell you about a chapter in my life where I experienced severe paranoid delusions. I few years ago I was convinced that the government was remotely building a database of the contents of my hardrive and that they planned on hacking into my computer to plant incriminating evidence (I won't go into the details of what I thought that evidence would be, mostly because it's too scary to even talk about now). In any case, I ended up ripping out and trashing the hardrive out of my computer and using only Live CD's for getting on the internet.

Anyway that was my experience with paranoia.

[bcbm]

i've had some intense experiences with paranoia. i don't think they were especially "delusional" though.

[Stand Your Ground]

From what I've seen on these forums, I know a few of us suffer from mental illnesses. A few of us also have experimented with or habitually use mind altering substances such as marijuana, lsd, etc.

Being as we are openly opposed to the government and all I'd imagine some of us have at some points experienced paranoid delusions or delusional thoughts that although irrational, may have at the time seemed perfectly reasonable and made perfect sense.

I thought it'd be interesting and maybe helpful if we posted our experiences with paranoia, whether our own or of people we cared about, without fear of judgment or ridicule.

I'll go a head and tell you about a chapter in my life where I experienced severe paranoid delusions. I few years ago I was convinced that the government was remotely building a database of the contents of my hardrive and that they planned on hacking into my computer to plant incriminating evidence (I won't go into the details of what I thought that evidence would be, mostly because it's too scary to even talk about now). In any case, I ended up ripping out and trashing the hardrive out of my computer and using only Live CD's for getting on the internet.

Anyway that was my experience with paranoia.
Wow.

Sometimes I have this paranoia that the US is using capitalism to exploit people...oh wait...lol.

But seriously I think fascists voted for Obama just for an excuse to start a war.

[Tablo]

I sometimes get paranoid that my internet activities on sites like this will come back to haunt me as private information becomes more available.

[¿Que?]

I sometimes get paranoid that my internet activities on sites like this will come back to haunt me as private information becomes more available.

I do too. I think maybe this thread should be deleted.

[Jimmie Higgins]

Sometimes I think that the managers at work hate me. Then I realize - yeah they probably do because I hate them.:lol:

[whore]

just because im paranoid, doesnt mean they arent out to get me.

(cops, capitalists, revleft admins/mods, colleagues, random strangers on the street, the neighbors dog)

:blink:

[Jimmie Higgins]

Twice, after smoking a blunt or joint, cops knocked on my front door. You can tell immediately: Fwack! Fwack! Fwack! Fwack!

Neither time it was, as I feared after opening the door and seeing tall dark and piggy looking down at me, because people reported smelling weed. The first time it was because someone broke into my neighbor's car - the second time was because my girlfriend blocked someone's driveway with her car.

But both times took about 3 years off my life.


- Oh and one time I got stopped by they cops after taking LSD. I was in a big group of people and we had been roaming around a nearby university campus. Right as we were peaking, we walked onto the I.M. field and discovered a half dozen huge white tarp tents that had been set up for the Teen Choice Awards or Nickelodeon awards. So we spent about an hour throwing ourselves against the fake walls of the tents and totally wreaking the place.

We walked away and, as we cut across a parking lot the cops pulled up. My friends all went dumb and I had to talk to the cops because apparently (they told me later) they knew I knew how to handle cops. As I remember it, I actually did handle myself well - I went from a fucked-up level of 10 to a 1.5 immediately when I saw the lights flash and figured out it was the cops. While I was able to maintain my composure and not say anything too strange, the only thing was that my leg was shaking uncontrollably the whole time.

[Tablo]

It's funny how our paranoia is actually justified. We have all the reason in the world to be scared about certain people being out to get us because they seriously are.

[RHIZOMES]

Twice, after smoking a blunt or joint, cops knocked on my front door. You can tell immediately: Fwack! Fwack! Fwack! Fwack!

Neither time it was, as I feared after opening the door and seeing tall dark and piggy looking down at me, because people reported smelling weed. The first time it was because someone broke into my neighbor's car - the second time was because my girlfriend blocked someone's driveway with her car.

But both times took about 3 years off my life.

One time I was stranded in one of the dodgiest parts of Auckland high off my mind with weed on me and cops following me

Traumatized me for life

[Tablo]

Where I live we have cops everywhere. You can't drive to the fucking store without seeing at least five of them(not fucking kidding). I lose a year off my life every time I go out high or drunk so I figure I only have a couple years left to live.

[Rusty Shackleford]

there was a time, i was in a park with a few friends at 2 am, breaking in my friends new bong, high as a kite, and 2 squad cars pull in, searchlights and all pointing into the park. oddly enough, i wasnt paranoid.

but, 2 of my friends found jesus that night. they were atheists, and still are atheists. marijuana makes people say/think the silliest things.

but in times when im high with friends, i sometimes get paranoid when i smoke too much and sort of "go in my head."

[Jimmie Higgins]

Yeah actually a week ago I was walking to catch the bus at 11:30 pm (totally sober, I don't get fucked up that much anymore) and a cop followed me in their car for a block and a half. If it was a normal car I would have thought it was a drive-by... since it was a cop I knew they were just fucking with me.

But yeah... sober or high, you get the same sense of paranoia when things like that happen.

[Jimmie Higgins]

Actually I'm reading this book right now about these cartoonists who did subversive and pornographic Micky Mouse cartoons in San Francisco in the early 70s. The main cartoonist gave advice about how to tell the difference between Pinkertons, FBI, and cops when they knock at your door. He also suggested that if the FBI comes, you should strip before answering the door and when they ask questions go... "dunno, search me.":laugh:

That's the part of the counterculture I really like - I can do without the incense and peppermints and mystical BS. Has this thread been hijacked enough yet? Sorry.

[JazzRemington]

I'm not paranoid. Everyone really IS out to get me. How else would you explain why I can hear a voice on my phone when I'm using it?

[Robespierre2.0]

I have this fear that one day those naked pictures will surface....

oh wait, I'm not ashamed of those. Ha ha!

But I do have a hunch that the US government is spending millions trying to undermine my social life so I can die alone and miserable. I'm just that dangerous to them.

[Tablo]

I have this fear that one day those naked pictures will surface....

oh wait, I'm not ashamed of those. Ha ha!
To be serious I think we need to become a bit more sexually liberated so people do not feel ashamed about silly things like nude pictures of themselves being passed around.

[Jimmie Higgins]

^Good point. Also a good point earlier when the comrade said that this society is sort of designed to make people paranoid.

Aside from the obvious (and more severe) oppression of LGBT people, things like homophobia, "sexual morality", gender norms serve to make all of us (regardless of sexual behaviors or preferences) paranoid and want to keep our heads down and be conformist. It's not like the right-wing homophobic bigots want to stop once they've repressed homosexuals, they want to repress everyone's sexuality and make everyone conform to gender norms.

[Quail]

marijuana makes people say/think the silliest things.


True. I remember getting pretty distressed one time thinking I'd forgotten how to speak English.

However the main thing that maks me paranoid is the police. Every knock at the door is the police, every car driving past is the police, etc. Several times I've been walking along, smoking a joint, and a police car has driven past and slowed to turn, and I've been convinced they're going to come over and.. do what?

The police are designed to be intimidating. If there are too many of them around, I feel as though I'm committing some kind of crime just by being there, or I get paranoid I've forgotten about some stash of drugs in my bag and they're going to search me, or whatever. That's pretty fucked up.

[Rusty Shackleford]

at random, there will be 7 or 8 squad cars that i will see along my route to college. but this seems to be very rare that they do it. ive also seen police pull over people out of their city jurisdiction.

[Stand Your Ground]

Last summer I read this book: http://www.curledup.com/nazihunt.htm and really started to think Nazis were gonna come get me lol.