¿Que?
20th February 2010, 11:16
I am 34 years old and I have never seriously taken part in "the stuggle", if you'll permit the euphemism. I have always been inclined to sympathize with the left, although it never occurred to me to actively participate in political groups until recently. A couple of years ago I developed an interest in philosophy. Partly because of my material situation, partly because of alienation, and probably due to some other things, I developed an interest in Marxism. In spite of my age, some of you may find my ideas misguided, underdeveloped and chock full of misconceptions. This is because I have not spent the greater part of my adult life pouring through leftist literature as many of you have. In fact, I recall now some of my first attempts at tackling Marx in my early twenties, drawing only the conclusion that it was too complicated for me.
It was only in my late 20's and early 30's that philosophy became coherent to me. From a general interest in epistemological and ontological issues, I arrived at existentialism, but stayed only briefly, as it only provided brief glimpses into the world I was truly searching for. Its name was communism, its pioneer, Karl Marx.
As I read more by and about Marx, struggling as I was to fully understand, one thing became clear. The world wasn't going to change simply because I was reading Marx. At this point I have to reveal something of myself that for the more adept observer of human behavior, might already be obvious. I have struggled all my life with crippling social anxiety. So it was not for another couple of years reading and trying to understand Marx, that I was to reach out to the revolutionary community, particularly in my area.
I can confidently say now that my experiment with revolutionary activism was a complete failure. Over the course of about a year (actually a lot less) I was very loosely (and I stress, very loosely) involved with two radical organizations in my area. The first is a well known Trotskyist affair, some of whose members seemed to take an immediate dislike to me. I was not at all familiar with Trotsky, but simply wanted to discuss Marxism with someone, so I went to a few meetings, and a regional conference and that was that. The second was not Marxist at all, but rather subscribed to liberation theology. Nevertheless, they were quite radical and my impression was that they had a much deeper connection with working class issues than the Trots did.
In spite of this respect, I could not help be a little bitter. The extent of my involvement was to do menial office work, which I, in typical fashion suited to a petty bourgeoisie upbringing, felt to be beneath me. I eventually started school again in pursuit of a Master's degree, and decided I really didn't have any more time to donate.
Now I am in school and have developed a bit of a reputation in my department as the resident Marxist. I study sociology, and it is not uncommon to read some Marxist perspectives, although most people (even many self described conflict-theorist) discount Marx straight off the bat. I myself have had to clarify my position many times, as I don't consider myself a Marxist, so much as a person interested in Marx. I personally feel that reading all the Marx in the world couldn't make me a Marxist until I've experience the struggle first hand, which I have not and probably never will. And which particular brand of Marxism, if it be Marxism at all, can only come about through real life concrete engagement in revolutionary struggles, not through academic achievements or abstract philosophizing. I believe it was his Thesis on Feurerbach in which good old Karl wrote down one of his most memorable sayings of which I will print here in abridged form: the point is to change it [the world]. Furthermore, the Paris Commune, what according to Marx would have been a true dictatorship of the proletariat, was not even associated with the IWA, but I guess that this is a subject for another post. My point simply is that collective action must precede individual ideology. You are free to disagree.
So this is me. If you've read the whole post, I certainly appreciate you. If you didn't, I'm a little relieved. Only one thing left to say: Hello RevLeft!
It was only in my late 20's and early 30's that philosophy became coherent to me. From a general interest in epistemological and ontological issues, I arrived at existentialism, but stayed only briefly, as it only provided brief glimpses into the world I was truly searching for. Its name was communism, its pioneer, Karl Marx.
As I read more by and about Marx, struggling as I was to fully understand, one thing became clear. The world wasn't going to change simply because I was reading Marx. At this point I have to reveal something of myself that for the more adept observer of human behavior, might already be obvious. I have struggled all my life with crippling social anxiety. So it was not for another couple of years reading and trying to understand Marx, that I was to reach out to the revolutionary community, particularly in my area.
I can confidently say now that my experiment with revolutionary activism was a complete failure. Over the course of about a year (actually a lot less) I was very loosely (and I stress, very loosely) involved with two radical organizations in my area. The first is a well known Trotskyist affair, some of whose members seemed to take an immediate dislike to me. I was not at all familiar with Trotsky, but simply wanted to discuss Marxism with someone, so I went to a few meetings, and a regional conference and that was that. The second was not Marxist at all, but rather subscribed to liberation theology. Nevertheless, they were quite radical and my impression was that they had a much deeper connection with working class issues than the Trots did.
In spite of this respect, I could not help be a little bitter. The extent of my involvement was to do menial office work, which I, in typical fashion suited to a petty bourgeoisie upbringing, felt to be beneath me. I eventually started school again in pursuit of a Master's degree, and decided I really didn't have any more time to donate.
Now I am in school and have developed a bit of a reputation in my department as the resident Marxist. I study sociology, and it is not uncommon to read some Marxist perspectives, although most people (even many self described conflict-theorist) discount Marx straight off the bat. I myself have had to clarify my position many times, as I don't consider myself a Marxist, so much as a person interested in Marx. I personally feel that reading all the Marx in the world couldn't make me a Marxist until I've experience the struggle first hand, which I have not and probably never will. And which particular brand of Marxism, if it be Marxism at all, can only come about through real life concrete engagement in revolutionary struggles, not through academic achievements or abstract philosophizing. I believe it was his Thesis on Feurerbach in which good old Karl wrote down one of his most memorable sayings of which I will print here in abridged form: the point is to change it [the world]. Furthermore, the Paris Commune, what according to Marx would have been a true dictatorship of the proletariat, was not even associated with the IWA, but I guess that this is a subject for another post. My point simply is that collective action must precede individual ideology. You are free to disagree.
So this is me. If you've read the whole post, I certainly appreciate you. If you didn't, I'm a little relieved. Only one thing left to say: Hello RevLeft!