Joke thread

[Luisrah]

Why are there no joke threads here?

Let me start

There were two mice in an oven, and one says to the other.
-Hey, it's getting hot here huh?
-Whoa a talking mouse!

Atleast a joke per post is necessary please

[Manifesto]

Isn't it muffins?

Anyways, heres like one of the few I know:
A nun walks into a bus and sits behind the driver and says, "I have just one regret before I die."

The bus driver asks "What might that be?", she says "I have never had sex, but I can't have sex with a married man or that would be a sin."

The bus driver says, "I'm not married"

The nun says, "I have to die a virgin so I will have to take it in my ass".

Being the only two in the bus they went to the back and took care of business.

When they were done the bus driver says to the nun, "I have a confesion to make, I am married."

The nun says "I also have a confesion to make, My name is Bruce and I am on my way to a costume party!"

[An archist]

A guy walks into a psychiatrists office: 'Doc, I've got a problem, I work at food processing plant, and I really feel the urge to put my dick in the onion cutter at work'
The psychiatrist replies: 'Wow, that's kind of a big problem, I'm not sure how to treat that, I'll have to look it up. Come back in a week and we'll see what we can do. Meanwhile, just try to fight the urge'
After a week the guy returns. The psychiatrist asks: 'So, how is everything today? Managed to fight the urge?'
'No, I couldn't, I finally tried it' the guy says.
'My god. That's awful! What happened?' Asks the psychiatrist.
'Well, I got fired, and so did the onion cutter'

[Luisrah]

What's a yellow dot running on the savannah?
A yellowphant

A blue dot on a flower?
A bluetterfly

And a black one in a laboratory?
A blackteria

Lol

[Manifesto]

A 42-year old man just got a face lift and thought to himself "I look great! I should show it off."

So he goes around town and goes to the car wash and asked the guy "How old do you think I am?" the car washer replies "I dunno, 20?"

Then he said "No, I'm 42, I just got a facelift!"

The car washer says"Holy Shit thats amazing!

Then the guy goes to a butcher and asks the guy in front of him in line and asked "How old do you think I am?"

The guy in front of him says "26 maybe?"

"No" he said "I'm 42, I just got a face lift"

"WOW! Thats amazing you don't look old at all!"

Now the man is at the bus stop and he is standing next to an old lady so he asks "How old do you think I am?"

The old lady says "When I was younger I could tell how old a man is by sticking my hand down their pants and feeling their bojangles."

So he says "All right, seems fine."

So the old lady sticks her hand down his pants for 40 minutes and feels his bojangles and says "You're 42"

He says "OH MY GOD! Thats amazing! How do you do that?"

The old lady says "I can't. I was behind you at the butcher's."

[Killfacer]

Wanna hear a joke?

Malte is a revolutionary leftist.

[the last donut of the night]

Wanna hear a joke?

Malte is a revolutionary leftist.

zing!

[the last donut of the night]

an atom comes rushing to the other, and says, "i have lost an electron!"

the other says, "are you sure?"

upon hearing this the other replies, "i'm positive!"

i'm sure science nerds will get this

[Luisrah]

an atom comes rushing to the other, and says, "i have lost an electron!"
the other says, "are you sure?"
upon hearing this the other replies, "i'm positive!"
i'm sure science nerds will get this

There's no need to be a nerd. They (atleast in Portugal) teach that electrons are negative charges in basic school.


-Doctor, there's a woman outside that says she's invisible!
-Tell her I can't see her now.

How did the chewing gum cross the road?
Sticked to the chicken's foot

How do you call a black pilot?
A pilot, you racist.


Warning: No racist meaning in this post

[Lord Testicles]

Two BNP members play chicken with a train, who wins?
Society.

What's the difference between a facist and a trampoline?
I pull me shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.