mosfeld
15th November 2009, 15:29
I lol'd.
The Adventures of Larry the Anarchist
Late one night, Larry the anarchist finished his presentation to his fellow university students, explaining to them how Marxism clearly failed to bring about Communism, and thus anarchism was the only answer for working class people. He was walking along the street, totally satisfied, when he suddenly noticed that his bus had already arrived at the stop, and he was still roughly sixty meters away. He began to run, but it was too late, the bus pulled away from the stop and turned the corner. Now of course there would be another bus in ten minutes, but Larry was no ordinary anarchist- he was principled. He began to reflect on what he had learned.
He had run in an attempt to catch the bus, but failed. Clearly, running to catch a bus was a dead end, since it obviously didn’t work this time. And if one cannot catch a bus by running, then it is equally possible that attempting to catch buses, in fact planning one’s day around the bus schedule, was futile and discredited. He decided he would walk home. After all, he never liked the capitalist bus system. Sure, they called it public transport, but it is clear that the public is not in charge of the bus system at all, ergo it would make no difference if the buses were owned and operated by a private corporation. Worst of all, the bus was so conformist!! Everyone gets on, pays, sits down, and rides wherever their leader, the driver, takes them. Rather than democratically direct the bus routes amongst each other, the workers on the bus have no choice but to press the “request stop” button and ask for their freedom. Public transport, private transport, not a dime’s worth of difference for Larry.
So Larry walked home, and decided to post to his local indymedia site about his recent direct action at the campus. Unfortunately, when he attempted to open his browser, the ever-authoritarian Windows operating system informed him that his program had performed an illegal operation and had to be shut down. Indeed, even in the digital world, totalitarianism reigned supreme. Of course, Larry could not say whether the world of computers was state capitalist or fascist, but none of that mattered since it was all the same to him. The error caused a greater epiphany though. His technological setback suddenly revealed to him the futility of trying to use computers in connection with activism. There was no point in trying to figure out what the problem was, reinstall the software, or perhaps switch to a more stable browser. He had previously used computers in his daily activism, but now this tactic had failed, and it would have been ridiculous to continue using computers when they had so obviously failed him. In an anarchist society, he thought to himself, computers wouldn’t work this way. Grass roots groups of programmers would create error-free software, and they would do it not for material reward, but for the good of society, because that’s how people act once you smash the state and put workers in charge of everything.
Suddenly Larry felt thirsty, perhaps because he had been running earlier. He went to his fridge, but couldn’t find anything but a carton of milk. He took a big, long swig, and then suddenly spat all over the fridge door. The milk had gone sour! The conclusion seemed clear, but then Larry remembered that he must attempt to make a materialist analysis of the situation before coming up with an oversimplified, idealistic conclusion. What did this experience prove exactly? Was milk a failure? Or was it the fridge that had failed? Considering that it was perhaps both, he promptly through the milk away, vowing never to touch it again, and then emptied the rest of the fridge’s contents, relegating the useless electronic device to a cupboard for storing leaflets.
He was starting to become annoyed, but just then his phone rang. It was his girlfriend.
‘Hey Larry! It’s Stacy. Let’s go to the punk concert on Saturday! I’ve invited thirty people.’
‘That sounds like a great idea,’ Larry began. But then his anarchist principles got the better of him. ‘Wait a minute! Are you TELLING me to go to the concert?! And why did you invite those other people? Couldn’t they decide to go on their own?’ There was a long pause.
‘Uh…it was a suggestion…didn’t you hear about the concert?’
‘No,’ replied Larry.
‘I was just trying to inform you, because I know you are busy with all your classes and everything. I had more free time to walk around campus yesterday, and on the way I bumped into this guy I used to work with who told me about the concert.’
Larry wasn’t falling for that game though. His anarchist skills were working overtime now.
‘Stacy, Stacy, Stacy. I am really disappointed with you. Trying to get me to go, trying to get all those people to go.’
‘…but they hadn’t heard about it either..’ Stacy tried to cut in but it was hopeless. ‘Stacy, I can’t be with you anymore, you are clearly one of those vanguardists. You say that you’re only making a suggestion, that you are trying to help me just because I didn’t have the time to find out about everything happening this weekend due to work, school, and such. In reality though, you just want authority and power over those people. First you’re inviting them to the concert, then you are locking them up in labor camps. I’m sorry Stacy, but I can’t be with an authoritarian. This is goodbye.’
Larry pulled the phone from his ear as Stacy let loose with a string of profanity.
‘ Fine, you condescending asshole! At least I actually work for a living! I’m gonna go join that American Party of La-‘ *CLICK*
Another revelation. Relationships apparently were a flawed idea, most likely a leftover of capitalist society that needed to be abolished along with the state. In fact, maybe women in general were a flawed, ruling class concept.
Larry suddenly felt very alone. Had he said something wrong? Stacy might have been an authoritarian vanguardist all along; he had long suspected she might have the authoritarian personality. Yet he could not discount the possibility, the very remote possibility, that he said something wrong. Maybe it wasn’t just then, maybe it was when they first met. Maybe he failed to fully sever her and her flawed female mind from authoritarian ideas. Could it be that speech, if not words, was a flawed idea? How many times had words failed to fulfill Larry’s desires? Hundreds perhaps. To go back and relive those moments, to attempt to learn from mistakes and choose his words better in the future would be futile. Worse still, volumes of anarchist literature with tens of thousands of words failed to achieve revolution thus far. Perhaps anarchism was being held back by words!! Larry smiled as he resolved never to speak or read again.
What happened to Larry after that point is not exactly clear. It is believed that after ordering a new menu item at a local fast food restaurant, Larry took a bite of the sandwich, made a dissatisfied facial expression, and then threw his entire meal in the trash. It is believed that having decided that ‘food’ was authoritarian and discredited by history, he resolved not to eat anymore, with lethal consequences. Some say he is now residing in heaven, with Durruti and Makhno, residing in the only working anarchist society that has lasted more than a couple years.*
*The standard of living, however, is considered to be ‘worse than hell.
This is from the blog Revolutionary Aztlán (http://freeaztlan.wordpress.com/).
The Adventures of Larry the Anarchist
Late one night, Larry the anarchist finished his presentation to his fellow university students, explaining to them how Marxism clearly failed to bring about Communism, and thus anarchism was the only answer for working class people. He was walking along the street, totally satisfied, when he suddenly noticed that his bus had already arrived at the stop, and he was still roughly sixty meters away. He began to run, but it was too late, the bus pulled away from the stop and turned the corner. Now of course there would be another bus in ten minutes, but Larry was no ordinary anarchist- he was principled. He began to reflect on what he had learned.
He had run in an attempt to catch the bus, but failed. Clearly, running to catch a bus was a dead end, since it obviously didn’t work this time. And if one cannot catch a bus by running, then it is equally possible that attempting to catch buses, in fact planning one’s day around the bus schedule, was futile and discredited. He decided he would walk home. After all, he never liked the capitalist bus system. Sure, they called it public transport, but it is clear that the public is not in charge of the bus system at all, ergo it would make no difference if the buses were owned and operated by a private corporation. Worst of all, the bus was so conformist!! Everyone gets on, pays, sits down, and rides wherever their leader, the driver, takes them. Rather than democratically direct the bus routes amongst each other, the workers on the bus have no choice but to press the “request stop” button and ask for their freedom. Public transport, private transport, not a dime’s worth of difference for Larry.
So Larry walked home, and decided to post to his local indymedia site about his recent direct action at the campus. Unfortunately, when he attempted to open his browser, the ever-authoritarian Windows operating system informed him that his program had performed an illegal operation and had to be shut down. Indeed, even in the digital world, totalitarianism reigned supreme. Of course, Larry could not say whether the world of computers was state capitalist or fascist, but none of that mattered since it was all the same to him. The error caused a greater epiphany though. His technological setback suddenly revealed to him the futility of trying to use computers in connection with activism. There was no point in trying to figure out what the problem was, reinstall the software, or perhaps switch to a more stable browser. He had previously used computers in his daily activism, but now this tactic had failed, and it would have been ridiculous to continue using computers when they had so obviously failed him. In an anarchist society, he thought to himself, computers wouldn’t work this way. Grass roots groups of programmers would create error-free software, and they would do it not for material reward, but for the good of society, because that’s how people act once you smash the state and put workers in charge of everything.
Suddenly Larry felt thirsty, perhaps because he had been running earlier. He went to his fridge, but couldn’t find anything but a carton of milk. He took a big, long swig, and then suddenly spat all over the fridge door. The milk had gone sour! The conclusion seemed clear, but then Larry remembered that he must attempt to make a materialist analysis of the situation before coming up with an oversimplified, idealistic conclusion. What did this experience prove exactly? Was milk a failure? Or was it the fridge that had failed? Considering that it was perhaps both, he promptly through the milk away, vowing never to touch it again, and then emptied the rest of the fridge’s contents, relegating the useless electronic device to a cupboard for storing leaflets.
He was starting to become annoyed, but just then his phone rang. It was his girlfriend.
‘Hey Larry! It’s Stacy. Let’s go to the punk concert on Saturday! I’ve invited thirty people.’
‘That sounds like a great idea,’ Larry began. But then his anarchist principles got the better of him. ‘Wait a minute! Are you TELLING me to go to the concert?! And why did you invite those other people? Couldn’t they decide to go on their own?’ There was a long pause.
‘Uh…it was a suggestion…didn’t you hear about the concert?’
‘No,’ replied Larry.
‘I was just trying to inform you, because I know you are busy with all your classes and everything. I had more free time to walk around campus yesterday, and on the way I bumped into this guy I used to work with who told me about the concert.’
Larry wasn’t falling for that game though. His anarchist skills were working overtime now.
‘Stacy, Stacy, Stacy. I am really disappointed with you. Trying to get me to go, trying to get all those people to go.’
‘…but they hadn’t heard about it either..’ Stacy tried to cut in but it was hopeless. ‘Stacy, I can’t be with you anymore, you are clearly one of those vanguardists. You say that you’re only making a suggestion, that you are trying to help me just because I didn’t have the time to find out about everything happening this weekend due to work, school, and such. In reality though, you just want authority and power over those people. First you’re inviting them to the concert, then you are locking them up in labor camps. I’m sorry Stacy, but I can’t be with an authoritarian. This is goodbye.’
Larry pulled the phone from his ear as Stacy let loose with a string of profanity.
‘ Fine, you condescending asshole! At least I actually work for a living! I’m gonna go join that American Party of La-‘ *CLICK*
Another revelation. Relationships apparently were a flawed idea, most likely a leftover of capitalist society that needed to be abolished along with the state. In fact, maybe women in general were a flawed, ruling class concept.
Larry suddenly felt very alone. Had he said something wrong? Stacy might have been an authoritarian vanguardist all along; he had long suspected she might have the authoritarian personality. Yet he could not discount the possibility, the very remote possibility, that he said something wrong. Maybe it wasn’t just then, maybe it was when they first met. Maybe he failed to fully sever her and her flawed female mind from authoritarian ideas. Could it be that speech, if not words, was a flawed idea? How many times had words failed to fulfill Larry’s desires? Hundreds perhaps. To go back and relive those moments, to attempt to learn from mistakes and choose his words better in the future would be futile. Worse still, volumes of anarchist literature with tens of thousands of words failed to achieve revolution thus far. Perhaps anarchism was being held back by words!! Larry smiled as he resolved never to speak or read again.
What happened to Larry after that point is not exactly clear. It is believed that after ordering a new menu item at a local fast food restaurant, Larry took a bite of the sandwich, made a dissatisfied facial expression, and then threw his entire meal in the trash. It is believed that having decided that ‘food’ was authoritarian and discredited by history, he resolved not to eat anymore, with lethal consequences. Some say he is now residing in heaven, with Durruti and Makhno, residing in the only working anarchist society that has lasted more than a couple years.*
*The standard of living, however, is considered to be ‘worse than hell.
This is from the blog Revolutionary Aztlán (http://freeaztlan.wordpress.com/).