Please, I need good dating advice.

[al8]

I've been having slim luck with the ladies. And I need some good dating advice. What is a good place to take a girl on a date and what should I do and say?

Let's try to take it a bit serious and keep it civil. So please, no trolling in this thread.

[Angry Young Man]

no trolling in this thread.

Like giving a bear a pot of honey that says 'do not eat' on the side.

[ev]

Lmao, who in there right mind would post here for dating advice! :lol:

My advice, go to a dating forum (or the like) and post the same question there.

If I were to entertain the question, I'd say go to a nice place that your date will enjoy & show them to a good time.

[#FF0000]

This is really the last place you should be looking for that

[yuon]

It depends on what they like. How about you have a look at some of the previous threads (many of them in the Trash apparently)?

What should you do? Don't be all over me, err, her. Touching sometimes is probably OK, and depends on the person. Wait, how old are you? Should we be expecting you to want to have sex with the person at some stage or another?

What should you say? Well, don't talk too much about yourself. Listening is always good, but ask interesting questions. Do compliment, but not creepily.

Err, this is really stupid. Like, do a web search for dating tips, this is really not the correct place.

Oh, and don't expect sex just because you paid for a meal (or whatever). In fact, don't expect sex at all. That way you won't be disappointed, and you might well be happily surprised.

http://www.revleft.com/vb/attachment.php?attachmentid=7509&stc=1&d=1255336837

[NecroCommie]

And I need some good dating advice.
My advice? Steer far from that entire scene.

And there is no universal dating advice to be given anyway. Women are individuals, not stereotypic creatures. I know I am insulted everytime people give "advice on men." Although that last one is mostly because most of the advice never apply on me, resulting in a load of girls trying to seduce me with the most moronic of ways.

[ls]

To the integrated overhead aquarium & planetarium.

[Pogue]

take your date on militant anti-fascist activities and hunt sabbing.

in seriousness, we can't really answer this one for you.

[manic expression]

And there is no universal dating advice to be given anyway. Women are individuals, not stereotypic creatures. I know I am insulted everytime people give "advice on men." Although that last one is mostly because most of the advice never apply on me, resulting in a load of girls trying to seduce me with the most moronic of ways.

Let's be honest, the vast majority of girls have common wants and desires, and react similarly to certain behavior. The same goes for guys. We might be individuals, but there's nothing more basically human than the love game. I mean, you just adhered to the most basic of common behaviors: remember those girls trying to seduce you? Rule of thumb is that people aren't interested in people who are too obvious about pursuing them. Sounds to me like you're acting like most guys would, and that's nothing to feel insulted about.

As for the original post, some quick things: Play it cool, boy, real cool. Seriously though, be confident in yourself...if you don't think you're cool, why should anyone else? Feel as though you're in control of yourself and your surroundings. Try to make her laugh even if you're not the funniest guy in the world. Be a good listener. And for the goodness' sake, don't be mushy, don't try to wear your emotions on your sleeve because that's a great way to make a girl uninterested in you. After all that, though, just be yourself and everything else should fall into place.

[NecroCommie]

Let's be honest, the vast majority of girls have common wants and desires, and react similarly to certain behavior. The same goes for guys. We might be individuals, but there's nothing more basically human than the love game. I mean, you just adhered to the most basic of common behaviors: remember those girls trying to seduce you? Rule of thumb is that people aren't interested in people who are too obvious about pursuing them. Sounds to me like you're acting like most guys would, and that's nothing to feel insulted about.
Mating rituals of man and woman are above all a cultural thingy. Different qualities and behaviours attract different kind of people. Sure there are some basic things, but with those alone one will never get anything done.


and that's nothing to feel insulted about.
It is not that what I feel insulted about, but the assumption that I am so simple and easy that my behaviour could be manipulated with a few easily recalled rules of thumb. Anyone trying to persuade me with "common" lines and etiquettes are merely insulting my personality and intelligence.

[ev]

I would say a mix of culture (consumer culture included), and natural behavior.. But everyones different, it's all circumstancial..

[manic expression]

Mating rituals of man and woman are above all a cultural thingy. Different qualities and behaviours attract different kind of people. Sure there are some basic things, but with those alone one will never get anything done.

Mating is a human thing, different cultures just express it differently. Whether you come from China or Chile or Kalamazoo, the end result of the love game is really the same, and so the different ways to get there is essentially the same experience. Every game has ground rules, and they are what they are: ground rules that are important to know. Understanding the exceptions to the rules comes after that IMO.

And yes, knowing rules of thumb doesn't get it done by itself, just like reading Marx doesn't make revolutions. One step is knowing, the next is understanding, the next is applying (with regards to Bruce Lee).


It is not that what I feel insulted about, but the assumption that I am so simple and easy that my behaviour could be manipulated with a few easily recalled rules of thumb. Anyone trying to persuade me with "common" lines and etiquettes are merely insulting my personality and intelligence.

Not manipulated, but roughly predicted. The fact that you're apparently not attracted to girls who obviously tried to seduce you is pretty common to most guys, and a lot of girls who know this don't try to overtly "seduce" guys because it mostly doesn't work. What someone does with that knowledge is entirely up to them.

By the way, if anyone's looking for advice on attraction/dating/romance/whatever, I suggest you check out:

http://www.kinowear.com/blog/

Scroll down and you'll find a lot of articles that will point you in the right direction and get you thinking. Don't accept everything the articles say, but consider the issues they explore.

[ev]

Don't arrive like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BebcLyNb66o
Don't take drugs before you go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEht8tKKwVQ

[NecroCommie]

Mating is a human thing, different cultures just express it differently. Whether you come from China or Chile or Kalamazoo, the end result of the love game is really the same, and so the different ways to get there is essentially the same experience. Every game has ground rules, and they are what they are: ground rules that are important to know. Understanding the exceptions to the rules comes after that IMO.
Bah! I denounce the idea that biology plays more than a mediocre role in the complex phenomena known as interpersonal romantic relations.



Not manipulated, but roughly predicted.
Whereas I know you mean no harm, this makes it hardly any less insulting. (not trying to say that you would have insulted me.)

The fact that you're apparently not attracted to girls who obviously tried to seduce you is pretty common to most guys, and a lot of girls who know this don't try to overtly "seduce" guys because it mostly doesn't work.
I acknowledge this, but does it mean that good judges of character find most approaches revolting? Just curious about your oppinion.

[manic expression]

Bah! I denounce the idea that biology plays more than a mediocre role in the complex phenomena known as interpersonal romantic relations.

I know what you're saying, but I still think love is basically human before anything else. Long before cultural norms accepted interracial love, different ethnic groups were attracting each other. Love is a human thing, and even though culture plays a part (in determining what or what isn't attractive, what is and isn't openly acceptable, etc.), the game hasn't changed that much from the dawn of recorded history.

Plus, people can quickly learn how to attract people from other cultures...hell, with an exotic accent, it's generally easier.


Whereas I know you mean no harm, this makes it hardly any less insulting. (not trying to say that you would have insulted me.)We can confidently predict the behavior of most people in a variety of situations, so why should attraction be any different when it's arguably the most commonly-shared experience in the world?


I acknowledge this, but does it mean that good judges of character find most approaches revolting? Just curious about your oppinion.How is it revolting to be confident in yourself and self-assured? How is it revolting to recognize that most people don't like having a half-stranger pour their heart out to them? How is it revolting to dress in a way that expresses your individual style and personality? That's all we're talking about here...no "tricks" (and from what I've heard, even the "pickup artists" who employ certain "tricks" will usually admit that they're mere ice-breakers), just the best way to present oneself in order to relate to those around us.

Further, such approaches aren't revolting because it's just how most people are. From your example, girls can't be too blunt about their desires because it's usually a big turn-off...so, girls find ways to work with this reality to move ahead in life. That's how it is with anything, and the dating/romance game can be very rewarding (and a lot of fun) when you get a feel for it and accept some of the realities involved. If you try to play without learning the basics, you're likely to get hurt and there's simply no sense in that. In the end, the approaches aren't revolting since they're inherent facts of male-female interaction. No one's forced to accept them, but it makes life a lot easier, rewarding and fun if you do.

Ultimately, approach love/dating however you want, but when you learn the rules of the game, all you're doing is helping yourself connect to others.

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

Don't go to the Cinema. Just don't also seem like the kind of guy who would'nt care if you got your legs broke your house burnt down and exlucded from soctiey quite frankly the number one rule is

Don't give a shit. Also for fucks sake don't take her to the cinema.

[ls]

Don't go to the Cinema. Just don't also seem like the kind of guy who would'nt care if you got your legs broke your house burnt down and exlucded from soctiey quite frankly the number one rule is

Don't give a shit. Also for fucks sake don't take her to the cinema.

Brilliant advice.

You could also take her to the shelter for the blind, pretend you're both blind so you can go on a blind date.

[NecroCommie]

How is it revolting to be confident in yourself and self-assured? How is it revolting to recognize that most people don't like having a half-stranger pour their heart out to them? How is it revolting to dress in a way that expresses your individual style and personality? That's all we're talking about here...no "tricks" (and from what I've heard, even the "pickup artists" who employ certain "tricks" will usually admit that they're mere ice-breakers), just the best way to present oneself in order to relate to those around us.

Further, such approaches aren't revolting because it's just how most people are. From your example, girls can't be too blunt about their desires because it's usually a big turn-off...so, girls find ways to work with this reality to move ahead in life. That's how it is with anything, and the dating/romance game can be very rewarding (and a lot of fun) when you get a feel for it and accept some of the realities involved. If you try to play without learning the basics, you're likely to get hurt and there's simply no sense in that. In the end, the approaches aren't revolting since they're inherent facts of male-female interaction. No one's forced to accept them, but it makes life a lot easier, rewarding and fun if you do.

Ultimately, approach love/dating however you want, but when you learn the rules of the game, all you're doing is helping yourself connect to others.

I think you got that last bit quite wrong, or then I got you wrong. I meant, that if it is normal to dislike obvious approaches, are good judges of character more likely to see approaches as obvious, and therefore dislike a wider range of approaches?

[NecroCommie]

You could also take her to the shelter for the blind, pretend you're both blind so you can go on a blind date.

I lolled hard! :lol:

[Bright Banana Beard]

Don't go to expensive place like movie, restaurant, etc. on first date. You DO NOT need to do this. I suggest a walk in a park as a best place. When you kiss, make it as best as possible since this will influence both of you in later times. Make the first date something very memorable. However, neither of you should take shit from each other.

However, if you aims for dating many girls, you will need to face many rejection. Failure is a part of success. You must learn from failure and that will help you progress as we communists do with our theory.

[manic expression]

I think you got that last bit quite wrong, or then I got you wrong. I meant, that if it is normal to dislike obvious approaches, are good judges of character more likely to see approaches as obvious, and therefore dislike a wider range of approaches?

Well, if anything it just makes those people (not sure if they'd be "good judges of character" or simply more socially perceptive) less easy, which makes them more appealing. Both guys and girls love "projects" (not everyone, but enough), they want to work for someone's attention at least a little bit. However, the tables can turn very quickly in those situations: the person who's usually uninterested is suddenly trying to perk the interest of someone who made an impression.

Aside from that, though, even if a guy knows a girl is flirting with him in an intriguing way, it can still be a turn-on (not always of course, but it definitely can be). When certain girls dress in high heels, I know exactly what they're trying to do, but I still think it's attractive. In general, being noticed is good, being too obvious (or inelegant or awkward) is bad. If a girl looks like she's trying just a little too hard, that's when she'll usually run into problems IMO. The same goes for guys, although a guy should pursue a girl while getting her to meet him halfway.

[NecroCommie]

although a guy should pursue a girl while getting her to meet him halfway.
Reactionary gender roles... :rolleyes:

But yeah, I might imagine things being so. I'm not entirely in the mainstream with my asexual tendencies and such.

[Raisa]

man. take the lady out to a decent place you like to go with friends...if she cant rock as your friend then you got no buisiness with her...

then go eat somewhere decent, and then....go have a coffee.
And call it a night and dont linger too long on a first or second date, its akward.

[Madvillainy]

Don't go to the Cinema. Just don't also seem like the kind of guy who would'nt care if you got your legs broke your house burnt down and exlucded from soctiey quite frankly the number one rule is

Don't give a shit. Also for fucks sake don't take her to the cinema.


What's wrong with going to the cinema on a first date? :)

[brigadista]

What's wrong with going to the cinema on a first date? :)

fear of unwanted groping perhaps?

[Dr Mindbender]

i have to say you lot have been extraordinarilly civil considering the subject matter of the thread.

Give yourselves all some imaginary rep.

[TC]

I've been having slim luck with the ladies. And I need some good dating advice. What is a good place to take a girl on a date and what should I do and say?

Let's try to take it a bit serious and keep it civil. So please, no trolling in this thread.

In all seriousness the best advice anyone could give you is that if you need to ask an internet forum how to 'talk to girls' you probably shouldn't be dating yet.

[ellipsis]

pinic/nature walk/museum. mix and match

[black magick hustla]

In all seriousness the best advice anyone could give you is that if you need to ask an internet forum how to 'talk to girls' you probably shouldn't be dating yet.

when should he date then

[Angry Young Man]

If he's on a forum asking how to talk to girls, he probably should have been dating 10 years ago

[al8]

In all seriousness the best advice anyone could give you is that if you need to ask an internet forum how to 'talk to girls' you probably shouldn't be dating yet.

I have all claws out. This is not my only resource. And in all honesty I was more expecting a hilarious troll-fest. But since people are in a helpful mood and want to discuss on a serious basis I will as well. And TC you normally have good insights (especially with gender-relations), so why not chime in?

I have been reading The Game and various writings by pick-up artists. I find them to be illuminating but am a bit skeptical about some aspects of what they are saying. Especially when they take recourse to evolutionary explanations about dating behavior.

I am at that point in my life that I would really like to have someone that I can be intimate with. And I'm ready to but in the necessary work to better myself in manner and presence.

[JimmyJazz]

Seriouspost:

I think the key piece of missing information here is how old you are, al8.

The only general advice I would give is that no matter how long of a dry spell it's been (including if it's been never), and/or how much you're crushing on this particular female, don't build the date up in your mind. It is very hard to hide nervous, and a girl can smell a guy who believes he's got no other options. (A guy can smell it too but that's irrelevant to you). Whether you objectively have no other options or not doesn't matter, it just matters that you don't appear desperate and extremely nervous.

Go watch Punch-Drunk Love, and don't be like that.

Also tell us how old you are. (Edit: just saw "I am at that point in my life" so I'm assuming you're not 15).

[al8]

i have to say you lot have been extraordinarilly civil considering the subject matter of the thread.

Give yourselves all some imaginary rep.

I second that. Manic expression especially for his thoughtful posts.

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

@ M

You don't go to a cinema because you sit there in silence for two hours watching a big television

@TC

Stop being so harsh

@ al8

Disregard pick up artists just don't dress like a plonker and be yourself although get the balance right between showing interest and now being intrusive or overwhelming. Also knock of the girl of your choices door masturbate heavily and sing "I will always love you" or alternatively make wedding invitations with you and your crush's name on them and hand them out to her friends (the last one happend)

[black magick hustla]

lol the game. man that shit is crazy. i mean it might work for the most boring, shallow girls but tbh you would have to act up all the way through the relationship and feign a personality just to get ass. i guess it kindof works, as men, probably women also feign shit to attract the dumbest guys so whatever. if someone has to go through that effort just for emotionless dick inserting you probably are better off paying a hooker.

[Random Precision]

lol the game. man that shit is crazy. i mean it might work for the most boring, shallow girls but tbh you would have to act up all the way through the relationship and feign a personality just to get ass. i guess it kindof works, as men, probably women also feign shit to attract the dumbest guys so whatever. if someone has to go through that effort just for emotionless dick inserting you probably are better off paying a hooker.

The Following User Says Thank You to dada For This Useful Post:
Random Precision (http://www.revleft.com/vb/member.php?u=14309)

[Wanted Man]

What's wrong with going to the cinema on a first date? :)

It's kind of awkward for the reason that Comrade Joe mentioned. There's a good chance that nothing will happen for the entire evening. Of course, your mileage may vary.

Coffee, dinner, drinks, etc. are all fine, and there is no need to be nervous or have ridiculous expectations. Don't bother with $40 books that say that you have to use "Neuro-Linguistic Programming" so that, after 5 minutes of talking, she will let you grope her tits in the cinema and sleep with you on the first date because you're such an amazing "pick-up artist". :rolleyes:

[Pogue]

Reactionary gender roles... :rolleyes:

But yeah, I might imagine things being so. I'm not entirely in the mainstream with my asexual tendencies and such.

asexual or just not getting any?

[Random Precision]

Al8, what do you want out of dating? I ask this seriously. Also, anyone else with a mind to can answer.

[Jazzratt]

I have been reading The Game and various writings by pick-up artists. I find them to be illuminating but am a bit skeptical about some aspects of what they are saying. Especially when they take recourse to evolutionary explanations about dating behavior.

Now, I've had minimal success in getting my end away but here is some excellent advice I have gleaned from what I know about pick up artistry:

Those books, "The Game" and so on, if you have them in hardcopy you should get out of your chair right now pick them up and fucking burn them. Put them through a shredder perhaps. Pulp the fuckers. Sell them, maybe. Whatever you do make sure you don't own them and they are not your problem any more.

[al8]

How come you guys are so negative towards pick-up artists? When I read their material I don't get what it is that has such negative connotations. They are basically giving advice on how to avoid social mistakes and being mindful of the ground rules.

Anyway I was reading the chapter on dating in Savoy's Magic Bullets. It basically says that you should find a venue where you don't necessarily have to focus on each other all the time as with a café - unless one is a confident conversationalist. That means having a setting where it is natural that one wander and come back, and where there is perhaps a common project. These suggestions are given; Shopping, Frisbee in the park, Salsa lessons, Art Galleries, Sporting events, Bicycling, Wine tasting, Concerts, Amusement Parks, Picnics, Shooting Range, Cooking Classes, Festivals, Sporting Event.

[al8]

lol the game. man that shit is crazy. i mean it might work for the most boring, shallow girls but tbh you would have to act up all the way through the relationship and feign a personality just to get ass. i guess it kindof works, as men, probably women also feign shit to attract the dumbest guys so whatever. if someone has to go through that effort just for emotionless dick inserting you probably are better off paying a hooker.

I have often thought the same thing. But I'm not looking for an empty fuck, but rather an intimate relationship (hopefully with someone who turns out to be a total perv :lol: ). If I know the English language correctly it's called sex or making love. My gut feeling is, that the sexual act is an affirmation of intimacy, sort of how like a punch in the shoulder can be an affirmation of friendship. I find it very hard to see how intimacy can be commodified. But I was talking with a woman who wanted to start a brothel (an erotic massage parlor in her words) and had worked as a sex worker. And it was quite clear from what she was saying that she thought that this was superior to regular massage since it involved and worked more with intimacy.

A lot of the pick-up scholarship revolves around how one must do most of the work yielding to womans eccentricities and semi-rational expectations. In short understanding where they are coming from.

Pick-up artists have mostly focused on men. But some are also catering to woman. I would be immensely interested in how the women are advised, though.

[☭World Views]

Use the techniques that were used in the caveman days and you will appeal to her inner psych and animalistic drive and primal desires.

She might think you are mean and she probably won't know why she is so attracted to you.

[JimmyJazz]

How come you guys are so negative towards pick-up artists? When I read their material I don't get what it is that has such negative connotations. They are basically giving advice on how to avoid social mistakes and being mindful of the ground rules.

Well I've only looked at one dating strategy book, The Mystery Method (I read about the first half of it, my friend has read it like 5 times lol), but part of the strategy was memorizing canned funny stories that never actually happened to you and learning to perform icebreaking tricks. I guess the latter is OK, but the made up stories thing is just weird. The real flaw with those books is that they are totally one-sided. Is mastering social graces important to successful human interaction (including getting laid)? Sure. But equally important to any meaningful human interaction is developing oneself into an interesting and three dimensional human being. You probably won't get very far in human relationships, either at making friends or getting laid, if you fail at either social niceties or being a genuine and interesting person. The dating strategy books only help you with half of what you need, and it's arguable whether they are even very good at helping you with that half.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Learning to have a successful date or relationship is an arts, not science.

[JazzRemington]

Just get a tattoo of a knight slaying a dragon. Chicks dig that kind of shit.

[al8]

Learning to have a successful date or relationship is an arts, not science.

I wonder if it could ever become a science?

[☭World Views]

Invite the woman to stimulate you according to her ability, then stimulate her according to her needs. Buy warm oils and lick her skin, especially under the clitoral hood.