Pour Your Heart Out thread

[RedAnarchist]

Got something to say or get off your chest? This is the thread to do it in.

[Killfacer]

I love you man

[Pogue]

no one understands me

[An archist]

Isn't this the same basic principle as the say what you want thread?

God, it seems like no-one understands me.

[bellyscratch]

Theres probably some stuff I could say in this thread but don't want to look like a total loser, so I won't bore you with the details. :D

[nuisance]

Theres probably some stuff I could say in this thread but don't want to look like a total loser, so I won't bore you with the details. :D
Fuck that shit, express yourself!

[Il Medico]

Red Anarchist, I know we are both feeling it, so I'll say it now.
I think I love you!:wub:

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

Fuck that shit, express yourself!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zitbExMdlvY

[Angry Young Man]

I'm hetero-curious, and possibly in love with a former friend

[bellyscratch]

Fuck that shit, express yourself!

OK... I have a crush on Lenin... I just wast to have sex with him, but can't because he's dead :(

[Angry Young Man]

Here's some music to help you along the way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szua7uP6agY

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

"Let me take the fall, let me take the blame, let me carry you from Hell to home again..."

"Let me be your armor, let me be your shield, let me take away the pain you feel..."

Okay, I need to pour my heart out/get advice from some people about something. This isn't so much about a ROMANTIC relationship, but I need to understand if this friendship I'm in is a healthy one that helps us both or is a CO-DEPENDENT trainwreck that needs to change.

I'm a guy with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, but have been in therapy and on proper medication for years, so I consider myself rather stable (though I have my days/weeks...).

Recently, I had an Anarchist friend diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar Disorder after years of it being rather obvious- I mean, this child is a little hellion- this crust-punk chica's always getting into fights, going crazy with alcohol and drugs, used to cut herself when she was depressed, and seems to screw up every relationship she gets into. Now she's on medication and in therapy, and as soon as she announced it publicly, in I swooped to help guide her through the madness.

Since then, I've basically acted as a guardian angel to her- being there whenever she's depressed or hurting herself, chastising her when she does something manic or reckless, heck, I even go with her to the doctor when she asks me to. Every step of the way, I've been there to catch her when she falls, protect her from every blow, and pick her up from every PBR-and-vomit-stained floor of every punk venue in town.

However, I'm worried that this might turn into a co-dependent relationship. About a month ago, when I was in a depressive phase, I was about to give up on life, but then ended up getting a call from her, and in a tearful tirade said that she can't live without me and that at times I'm the only thing keeping her going. I realized then that she gave me something to fight for, and that I had something to live for (and eventually I got back into a level-headed state of mind, seeing that I have a multitude of things to live for). But now, that incident is concerning me- and making me wonder if this relationship could become unhealthy one, one where we end up feeding on each other's negative behaviors, irrational ideas, and self-absorbed thinking.

I want to help her, and guide her through a very painful experience that I have experienced, but I also don't want this friendship to veer into something bad and ultimately self-defeating. Thoughts?

[Pirate Utopian]

It appears am not the only one who has a crush on RA.
Who could blame ya?

:wub:

[Sam_b]

I strongly dislike several people in the CC, and most of the people who frequent chit-chat.

[spiltteeth]

"Let me take the fall, let me take the blame, let me carry you from Hell to home again..."

"Let me be your armor, let me be your shield, let me take away the pain you feel..."

Okay, I need to pour my heart out/get advice from some people about something. This isn't so much about a ROMANTIC relationship, but I need to understand if this friendship I'm in is a healthy one that helps us both or is a CO-DEPENDENT trainwreck that needs to change.

I'm a guy with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, but have been in therapy and on proper medication for years, so I consider myself rather stable (though I have my days/weeks...).

Recently, I had an Anarchist friend diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar Disorder after years of it being rather obvious- I mean, this child is a little hellion- this crust-punk chica's always getting into fights, going crazy with alcohol and drugs, used to cut herself when she was depressed, and seems to screw up every relationship she gets into. Now she's on medication and in therapy, and as soon as she announced it publicly, in I swooped to help guide her through the madness.

Since then, I've basically acted as a guardian angel to her- being there whenever she's depressed or hurting herself, chastising her when she does something manic or reckless, heck, I even go with her to the doctor when she asks me to. Every step of the way, I've been there to catch her when she falls, protect her from every blow, and pick her up from every PBR-and-vomit-stained floor of every punk venue in town.

However, I'm worried that this might turn into a co-dependent relationship. About a month ago, when I was in a depressive phase, I was about to give up on life, but then ended up getting a call from her, and in a tearful tirade said that she can't live without me and that at times I'm the only thing keeping her going. I realized then that she gave me something to fight for, and that I had something to live for (and eventually I got back into a level-headed state of mind, seeing that I have a multitude of things to live for). But now, that incident is concerning me- and making me wonder if this relationship could become unhealthy one, one where we end up feeding on each other's negative behaviors, irrational ideas, and self-absorbed thinking.

I want to help her, and guide her through a very painful experience that I have experienced, but I also don't want this friendship to veer into something bad and ultimately self-defeating. Thoughts?



I've been there a million times before and it always turns ugly. I never help the other person get well, they always get me sick.
I've seen it so many times. Boundaries man. Carry the message, don't carry the person.

Also, to all revlefter's : love me. Love me. Please love me. LOVE ME!!!!! OH GOD WHY?! WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!

Ok, I fell better.

[spiltteeth]

OK... I have a crush on Lenin... I just wast to have sex with him, but can't because he's dead :(

You give up to easy. Don't let anything stop you.

[bellyscratch]

I strongly dislike several people in the CC, and most of the people who frequent chit-chat.
Wow, that one came as a shock! :D

[Pirate Utopian]

I strongly dislike several people in the CC, and most of the people who frequent chit-chat.
I thought you hated everyone.

[hugsandmarxism]

Uh... I'm going in for surgery tomorrow and would like ya to wish me luck? :)

I could also use a few more comments on my blog here... it would make me feel special, in a non-attention-whore kind of way ;)

[Killfacer]

Good luck!

[Pirate Utopian]

Good luck, sir Hugs.

[MilitantAnarchist]

I feel like i'm trying to sort my life out but people keep putting barriers up in my way, i've made the decision to go to uni to try and do somthing half decent rather then just sit in the pub all day and argue with right wing tossers, but i know i have to move away from my town, but i have no money, and trying to raise the funds by selling everything i own isnt working because no one can afford to buy anything. I've managed to get into Bristol college to get my A levels in an Access Course for uni, but im totally skint... Im still have feelings for my ex who wants to move on to someone who wants the generic lifestyle of middle class england, but im secretly in love with a friend who doesnt know i feel anything, but i know she doesnt feel the same and its eating me up inside pretty bad. I got over a alcohol problem last year, and nothing seems any better this year, infact things just seem worse. I know if i dont get out of this shithole im in now i've got the chance, im scared i never will, and i'll become some 40year old twat who lives with his mum and spends his time wanking over internet porn and writing angry posts on forums like this, blaiming the world for his problems, just like i am now.... My problems may be small in comparison to billions of other people around the world, but at this moment in time, to me, it is worse then anything else.

[Angry Young Man]

Hugs - if you weren't American, it wouldn't cost you a penny. But thank your lucky stars you don't live in Paraguay. Good luck

[Bright Banana Beard]

I want to be in love. :(

[Manifesto]

Everybody in my family annoys the Hell out of me. No matter what I am doing the crazy shit that is going on with them always seems to come back to me. I would get into specifics but this stuff is just way too screwed up for me to be posting it on the internet. And I am always dragged along to the stupid crap that gets me involved and I cannot do anything about it simply because I am not 18 making it so I have no opinion or chose. Whenever I want to have a serious conversation with anyone people are too stupid to even bother talking to them about it. And yeah good luck Hugs and Marxism.

[kharacter]

Thoughts?
First, I'd like to express my condolences for your mental situation, and my great respect for having made it so far.

I would be very careful not to get too comfortable, because chances are, they will end up disappointing you...mercilessly. In the past, every time I begin to trust someone, become dependent or obsess, they always end up hurting me. And considering the severity of both your situations, the emotional results could be great. Be weary, and slow to be convinced of people's benevolence.

What I'm saying is that, once you've felt like ending your life once, it's not uncommon to return to that feeling.

[kharacter]

Uh... I'm going in for surgery tomorrow and would like ya to wish me luck? :)

I could also use a few more comments on my blog here... it would make me feel special, in a non-attention-whore kind of way ;)
greatest of wishes to you, and hopes for your safe return

[Wanted Man]

Uh... I'm going in for surgery tomorrow and would like ya to wish me luck? :)

I could also use a few more comments on my blog here... it would make me feel special, in a non-attention-whore kind of way ;)

Best of luck mate.


I want to be in love. :(

So fall in! :)

[F9]

i hate you all, beside some who know who the are.
but then how its all?:confused::lol:

[Pogue]

"Let me take the fall, let me take the blame, let me carry you from Hell to home again..."

"Let me be your armor, let me be your shield, let me take away the pain you feel..."

Okay, I need to pour my heart out/get advice from some people about something. This isn't so much about a ROMANTIC relationship, but I need to understand if this friendship I'm in is a healthy one that helps us both or is a CO-DEPENDENT trainwreck that needs to change.

I'm a guy with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, but have been in therapy and on proper medication for years, so I consider myself rather stable (though I have my days/weeks...).

Recently, I had an Anarchist friend diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar Disorder after years of it being rather obvious- I mean, this child is a little hellion- this crust-punk chica's always getting into fights, going crazy with alcohol and drugs, used to cut herself when she was depressed, and seems to screw up every relationship she gets into. Now she's on medication and in therapy, and as soon as she announced it publicly, in I swooped to help guide her through the madness.

Since then, I've basically acted as a guardian angel to her- being there whenever she's depressed or hurting herself, chastising her when she does something manic or reckless, heck, I even go with her to the doctor when she asks me to. Every step of the way, I've been there to catch her when she falls, protect her from every blow, and pick her up from every PBR-and-vomit-stained floor of every punk venue in town.

However, I'm worried that this might turn into a co-dependent relationship. About a month ago, when I was in a depressive phase, I was about to give up on life, but then ended up getting a call from her, and in a tearful tirade said that she can't live without me and that at times I'm the only thing keeping her going. I realized then that she gave me something to fight for, and that I had something to live for (and eventually I got back into a level-headed state of mind, seeing that I have a multitude of things to live for). But now, that incident is concerning me- and making me wonder if this relationship could become unhealthy one, one where we end up feeding on each other's negative behaviors, irrational ideas, and self-absorbed thinking.

I want to help her, and guide her through a very painful experience that I have experienced, but I also don't want this friendship to veer into something bad and ultimately self-defeating. Thoughts?

I mean this honestly, get proffesional help.

[NecroCommie]

OK... I have a crush on Lenin... I just wast to have sex with him, but can't because he's dead :(
Now I will have to inform you of a saying in my "scene".
Dead girls never say no...
So there you go. Lenin resides in the red square nowadays, in that mausoleum thingy. Go for it!


...



I can't believe I'm going to post this.

[NecroCommie]

I want to sleep! I really do! Why the fuck does it need to be so difficult to initiate a state of mind which is fucking necessary for the very upkeeping of my life?

I think I have a manic depression. Perhaps I should verify this, but it's a bother.

[Wanted Man]

i hate you all, beside some who know who the are.
but then how its all?:confused::lol:

I love you too! :wub:

[F9]

I love you too! :wub:

</3
your team was disappointing this morning, too bad, but was an interesting much.
Im still amazed from that fuckers fouls..:w00t:

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

First, I'd like to express my condolences for your mental situation, and my great respect for having made it so far.

I would be very careful not to get too comfortable, because chances are, they will end up disappointing you...mercilessly. In the past, every time I begin to trust someone, become dependent or obsess, they always end up hurting me. And considering the severity of both your situations, the emotional results could be great. Be weary, and slow to be convinced of people's benevolence.

What I'm saying is that, once you've felt like ending your life once, it's not uncommon to return to that feeling.

My comrade is someone I trust deeply and who I've been friends with since we were in our early teens- and was still my good friend even when I was a kooky Avakianite. I am quite convinced of her benevolence, but still wanting to make sure that this doesn't turn into something dangerous for the both of us...

And Pogue: I am in professional help. That was like, in the first sentence of my post.

[spiltteeth]

So I got out of prison a couple yrs ago haven't had a drink or drug since worked hard went to college got a certificate degree to counsel substance abusers fell in love turns out she liked me too but I'm fucked up and refused to believe she could really like someone like me so I wouldn't take it serious and distanced myself eventually she got another guy and we parted (I still stalk her on mysepace so we still have a relationship she just doesn't know it) got laid off started gambling (poker) for rent $$ but eventually I got very depressed just gambled my entire roll away almost on purpose Friends grabbed me out of my house and I got institutionalized (for the 2nd time in my life) been out for 6 months got a job cutting fish -but part time 30 hrs so they don't have to give me benefits- and I also do art work, have my own site and have had one gallery show but now I'm totally lost and presently starting my own religion (the church of revolutionary consciousness) so I can perform legal 'commie unions' and socialist/anarchist weddings for a small fee plus I have a ton of debt (past hospitalizations for drug overdoses, rehabs etc mostly) and my friends are beginning to look at me with pity eyes...So...um...yea.

[spiltteeth]

My comrade is someone I trust deeply and who I've been friends with since we were in our early teens- and was still my good friend even when I was a kooky Avakianite. I am quite convinced of her benevolence, but still wanting to make sure that this doesn't turn into something dangerous for the both of us...

And Pogue: I am in professional help. That was like, in the first sentence of my post.

The minute her problems start to affect your sanity and emotional stability is the point where it has begun to be unhealthy.
Usually when I've been in that situation I never get the other person well, I just get sick, and it ends up not helping anyone.

[Il Medico]

Uh... I'm going in for surgery tomorrow and would like ya to wish me luck? :)

I could also use a few more comments on my blog here... it would make me feel special, in a non-attention-whore kind of way ;)
Good luck HUGS!

[Il Medico]

I strongly dislike several people in the CC, and most of the people who frequent chit-chat.
But Sam, YOU frequent Chit chat.

[OneNamedNameLess]

I feel so lucky now after reading some of the responses here.

[#FF0000]

I always hated people who just sort of banked on the fact that they have a reputation as being an intelligent individual but never read or really did anything to expand their knowledge and understanding.

BUT HURF DURF I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

I'm also incredibly lazy and shiftless and it keeps me from doing things I like such as reading and writing and practicing music and all that. Alcoholism and addictive personalities run in my family so I think it isn't too out of the question that I'm addicted to video games. That's besides the point. I'm afraid that my laziness is going to keep me from doing anything but playing videogames all the time and I can't really stop.

:/

[mykittyhasaboner]

I always hated people who just sort of banked on the fact that they have a reputation as being an intelligent individual but never read or really did anything to expand their knowledge and understanding.

BUT HURF DURF I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

I'm also incredibly lazy and shiftless and it keeps me from doing things I like such as reading and writing and practicing music and all that. Alcoholism and addictive personalities run in my family so I think it isn't too out of the question that I'm addicted to video games. That's besides the point. I'm afraid that my laziness is going to keep me from doing anything but playing videogames all the time and I can't really stop.

:/

I feel ya.

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

The minute her problems start to affect your sanity and emotional stability is the point where it has begun to be unhealthy.
Usually when I've been in that situation I never get the other person well, I just get sick, and it ends up not helping anyone.

I've been in a similar situation, where the guy ended up refusing to take his meds and eventually ended up nearly landing me in deep shit. However, my Anarchist friend IS on her medications, she's learning and she's listening to me (and her therapist) when I tell her how to handle situations in a mature and proper manner. She is also in a happy and productive mood right now, so I guess that's what matters...

[Angry Young Man]

greatest of wishes to you, and hopes for your safe return
From Hades!

[Bright Banana Beard]

I am going to fuck somebody. You have my words.

(someone please start the second sentence joke)

[Mala Tha Testa]

Empty.
Haa.
I sit around and ignore calls from my friends and stuff.
They've all changed into mostly these "scene(with the V-necks, and the straightened hair, and the Vans authentics, etc. I dunno what that scene is called)" guys that act like, superior and shit.
They try to get me to act like that and listen to their music and go to their shows and I just don't want to.
I have one friend that doesn't do that to me and it's sad 'cause I'm ditching all my old friends from middle school and stuff.

And fuckin' the only thing that really makes me happy is fighting.
Haha.
Like, getting the shit kicked out of me is an amazing feeling.

[Mujer Libre]

Oh boy do I have a story to tell, and a broken heart full of bile to pour out. (Yes, I am aware that bile resides in the gall bladder)

But this probably isn't the place. :mad:

[Wanted Man]

</3
your team was disappointing this morning, too bad, but was an interesting much.
Im still amazed from that fuckers fouls..:w00t:

You get that stuff on tv? Cool. I really should update my thread soon. It's always a fixture with lots of goals and fouls, no players really need to motivate themselves for this one, the motivation is right there already. But this time, it was mostly a duel between the two amazing artists in football, Suarez and Dzsudzsák. What a couple of amazing footballers. This time, Dzsudzsák was the man.


I always hated people who just sort of banked on the fact that they have a reputation as being an intelligent individual but never read or really did anything to expand their knowledge and understanding.

BUT HURF DURF I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
Now that's familiar territory! :lol: I have that too, I rarely read useful stuff in my free time.

[Invariance]

I work in a restaurant in a trendy, professional business district. Most of the customers are businessmen either as individuals or as in groups (they're worse in groups, especially when they drink). However, there’s one little old lady that always comes in on Thursdays, and I’ve gotten to know her quite well. She can't speak English very well, so she speaks to me in Italian (which is what type of restaurant it is). I can’t speak Italian very well, but I can understand it or get the gist of what someone is saying, so we're able to communicate.

Anyway, every week on Thursdays she comes in, and I always reserve her spot so that no one else will take it. She has the same meal every week – ravioli with mushroom sauce. Ravioli is a sort of pasta, little squares with some sort of mix in the middle (in our case, a sort of minced meat).

I always serve her. She seems like one of those old people who just want to tell you their life story, but that's okay because work is dull and I'm happy to listen and I like learning about people. From what I gather, she moved to Australia several years after the Second World War. Because of her position – as a wife in a market garden – she never really communicated with that many English-speaking Australians, only with other Italian immigrants. So, even after all this time she still speaks better Italian than English.

Last Thursday, she brought these cookies for me - chocolate chip biscotti - basically like chocolate chip cookies. It was really nice, the thought that she went home, had thought about me and then made me something with her own hands just for me eat. Also kind of sad, that I'm probably one of the few people she communicates with.

That's me pouring my heart out. :crying:

[BIG BROTHER]

I think anarchist do have more fun! :-S

[BIG BROTHER]

I always get the feeling that most of you conspire to kill any thread I start or comment on :P

[bellyscratch]

Just to clear up. Lenin's face scares the shit out of me and even if he was alive I'd run away if I saw his hideous face.

[Angry Young Man]

Oh boy do I have a story to tell, and a broken heart full of bile to pour out. (Yes, I am aware that bile resides in the gall bladder)

But this probably isn't the place. :mad:
Eat a chocolate gateau.

[Bilan]

I work in a restaurant in a trendy, professional business district. Most of the customers are businessmen either as individuals or as in groups (they're worse in groups, especially when they drink). However, there’s one little old lady that always comes in on Thursdays, and I’ve gotten to know her quite well. She can't speak English very well, so she speaks to me in Italian (which is what type of restaurant it is). I can’t speak Italian very well, but I can understand it or get the gist of what someone is saying, so we're able to communicate.

Anyway, every week on Thursdays she comes in, and I always reserve her spot so that no one else will take it. She has the same meal every week – ravioli with mushroom sauce. Ravioli is a sort of pasta, little squares with some sort of mix in the middle (in our case, a sort of minced meat).

I always serve her. She seems like one of those old people who just want to tell you their life story, but that's okay because work is dull and I'm happy to listen and I like learning about people. From what I gather, she moved to Australia several years after the Second World War. Because of her position – as a wife in a market garden – she never really communicated with that many English-speaking Australians, only with other Italian immigrants. So, even after all this time she still speaks better Italian than English.

Last Thursday, she brought these cookies for me - chocolate chip biscotti - basically like chocolate chip cookies. It was really nice, the thought that she went home, had thought about me and then made me something with her own hands just for me eat. Also kind of sad, that I'm probably one of the few people she communicates with.

That's me pouring my heart out. :crying:


That's like my friends Nonna. She was born in Sicily, and has lived here with her husband for a long time, but he always went out and worked and she stayed home and what not (And grows all her own vegetables; makes her own pasta, etc. which seriously shits on anything you've ever eaten, or ever will eat). She's losing all her English, but is the most lovely person.
So fond.
I also have a French guy who comes into my work, and he always got my name wrong (I wear a different name badge nearly every day, due to me losing it, so I have a series of different names haha, and I'm getting used to being thanked with the wrong name), but he always comes in and chats to me, and he waited specially in my line to come and talk to me (I was flattered ^_^) about the films he'd watched and what he wanted to see.
He has specific seats in the cinema. Every cinema. He has a favourite seat (I never really got why people are so picky, but such is life). And he helps me with my French, which is nice. I'm much more comfortable messing up my french around a charming old frenchman than I am other students. Students are annoying.

Also, my uni is a hell hole.

[kharacter]

My comrade is someone I trust deeply and who I've been friends with since we were in our early teens- and was still my good friend even when I was a kooky Avakianite. I am quite convinced of her benevolence, but still wanting to make sure that this doesn't turn into something dangerous for the both of us...


I guess I probably just have shitty acquaintances :(

[Communist Theory]

we can all fuck off and die.

[#FF0000]

... a broken heart full of bile to pour out.

You must have the worst heartburn

[spiltteeth]

If I cannot let out my love soon I shall turn to hate as all the antechambers of hell, hidden deep within the blackest recess of my soul unlock, and let loose a catastrophe of outrage to challenge the ocean itself for raw churning power, the volcanoes for their destructive capacity, a spiritual earthquake of scorn so violent the angels themselves shall weep blood and Nature herself bend to my fury. With a voice so pure in righteous hatred graves shall spit out their corpses at my command, the cosmos itself will take notice, I will call down the fiery explosions of the sun, the stars shall lend me their light, and I will burn this planet alive as the flames signal to god the corrupt abomination of his own ruined creation; and, as the rotten stench of charred flesh rises up along with the terrible screams of men, woman, and children, smoldering, all being consumed in a blazing holocaust, A sea of flames scorching all living things, and their desperate pleas to save them reach my ears, I shall, with an even tongue, say : When I begged god to save my soul I received no such blessing, so, in a most godly manner, so shall I refuse you salvation, and, like god, let die all creation.
And a torrent of dead infant babes mottled blue and rotting shall rain upon this scarred as I supp upon the pus and blood of the judgmental my lips twisted with their scarlet blood oh I am fat with their blood and skin and stand upon the mountain of gelatinous eyeballs which I have torn from screaming heads that shall reflect the horror and pain I feel as my breath withers from your cutting stare.

[LOLseph Stalin]

This is stating the obvious, but I have to say it since it's relevant to my current life situation: Capitalism simply sucks. My friend is bragging about just getting her second job(apperently her first didn't pay enough.:rolleyes:). I can't even get one job! Argh! I haven't even gotten emails or phonecalls back from anybody! :mad: Not to mention I applied at the same places as my friend and...earlier too!

[Angry Young Man]

You must have the worst heartburn
It's all the bloody confections she assimilates into her system.

[Plagueround]

I've moved back to my hometown just in time for all my friends to start moving away. I'm also deeply concerned that my best friend seems to be turning into a fascist.

[LOLseph Stalin]

I'm also deeply concerned that my best friend seems to be turning into a fascist.

That happened to somebody I know online. His friend turned into a Nazi. That friendship ended pretty quickly. It's a shame when things like that happen. :(

[Bright Banana Beard]

My ex-best friend pretty much turned into a street criminal, and still live in same place. it's suck, I know.

[LOLseph Stalin]

My best friend is hardcore Capitalist. We don't allow politics to tear apart our friendship though.

[Angry Young Man]

I could never be close mates with a tory.

Politics, politics will tear us apart again.

[Sarah Palin]

My close friend is a staunch conservative nationalist catholic. But for some reason, we get along great. But we do butt heads from time to time.

[gorillafuck]

Today I intended on asking my friend out on a date because I've liked her for quite a while but I chickened out because I fear being rejected.

[Il Medico]

Today I intended on asking my friend out on a date because I've liked her for quite a while but I chickened out because I fear being rejected.
Go for it man, if you get rejected, pick yourself up and keep going. If she doesn't still want to be friends with you afterwords, you didn't have that great of a friendship in the first place.

[gorillafuck]

Tell that to my anxiety:(

Ya I figure I'll ask next time I see her.

[Il Medico]

"Let me take the fall, let me take the blame, let me carry you from Hell to home again..."

"Let me be your armor, let me be your shield, let me take away the pain you feel..."

Okay, I need to pour my heart out/get advice from some people about something. This isn't so much about a ROMANTIC relationship, but I need to understand if this friendship I'm in is a healthy one that helps us both or is a CO-DEPENDENT trainwreck that needs to change.

I'm a guy with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, but have been in therapy and on proper medication for years, so I consider myself rather stable (though I have my days/weeks...).

Recently, I had an Anarchist friend diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar Disorder after years of it being rather obvious- I mean, this child is a little hellion- this crust-punk chica's always getting into fights, going crazy with alcohol and drugs, used to cut herself when she was depressed, and seems to screw up every relationship she gets into. Now she's on medication and in therapy, and as soon as she announced it publicly, in I swooped to help guide her through the madness.

Since then, I've basically acted as a guardian angel to her- being there whenever she's depressed or hurting herself, chastising her when she does something manic or reckless, heck, I even go with her to the doctor when she asks me to. Every step of the way, I've been there to catch her when she falls, protect her from every blow, and pick her up from every PBR-and-vomit-stained floor of every punk venue in town.

However, I'm worried that this might turn into a co-dependent relationship. About a month ago, when I was in a depressive phase, I was about to give up on life, but then ended up getting a call from her, and in a tearful tirade said that she can't live without me and that at times I'm the only thing keeping her going. I realized then that she gave me something to fight for, and that I had something to live for (and eventually I got back into a level-headed state of mind, seeing that I have a multitude of things to live for). But now, that incident is concerning me- and making me wonder if this relationship could become unhealthy one, one where we end up feeding on each other's negative behaviors, irrational ideas, and self-absorbed thinking.

I want to help her, and guide her through a very painful experience that I have experienced, but I also don't want this friendship to veer into something bad and ultimately self-defeating. Thoughts?

Well, I really can't say how much your Bi polar would factor into the relationship, but what you described seem to fit two types of relationships I have observed. The first is an very intimate romantic relationship and the second is the extremely close friendship were you are more like family(sometimes closer then family ever could be) then just friends. As you have said that this is not the former, I'll assume your relationship would fall into the latter. Both of these, from what I can tell, tend to be co-dependent. But I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing. They depend on each other, but at the same time help each other. From what you said it sound like you need her as much as she needs you, you love her and she loves you (in the non-romantic sense). These relationships are rare, and in my opinion perfectly healthy, you may have awkward moments, difficulty communicating what you feel, and other negatives, but all relationships have these. From what I have read, the pros in this particular case out weigh the cons. But you seem to have a closeness to your friend that most people never achieve with anyone, don't give that up.

[Il Medico]

Tell that to my anxiety:(

Ya I figure I'll ask next time I see her.
Your never gonna get over that "OMG what if she says no" feeling, trust me, I've been there. But you gotta ask, you'll hate yourself if you don't (been there as well).

[Bright Banana Beard]

Tell that to my anxiety:(

Ya I figure I'll ask next time I see her.

There is million of girls waiting for you, comrade. Rejection is a part of success or you will always stay single without learning any mistake.

If anything, tell your anxiety to fuck off and let your confident live on.

[Comrade B]

Moving away from my home town on the 20th, kind of weird, leaving everyone here. I feel like I haven't gotten to say a proper good-bye to everyone yet

[Killfacer]

You're all very angsty. Not me, i'm a cheery kind of guy.

[Holden Caulfield]

I'm an ego-centric narcassist...
oh wait you guys already knew that :cool: (that smiley is me, all like the finz and shizz)

[Killfacer]

I'm an ego-centric narcassist...
oh wait you guys already knew that :cool: (that smiley is me, all like the finz and shizz)

I bet you dress crap.

[Jazzratt]

I could talk of things that matter and post them, but people might try to give me help and advice so fuck that. I'll "pour my heart out" on things that don't really matter:
1) Something like 4-6 years ago [god it's a fucking blur] a woman I'd been good friends with [and had a disaterous 3 day relationship with 2 years previously] stopped talking to me. Since then hearing her name or thinking of her in any way (something I do 3-5 nights out of 7 and used to do nightly) tears me up [even typing this message, a little]. I have no idea why I can't get over her like any normal human being would.

2) A good friend of mine (whom I've known as long as the person above) has a new boyfriend and I am, like a fucking teenager, conflicted with feelings of hope (for her, everyone else she's been out with is a dick), jealosuy (strongly, because I'm a dick) and relief (again, for her, she's had a few problems recently and it's great for her to be happy about something). Oh yeah and I feel like a prick for being jealous or even acknowledging I like her.

3) Despite the two above examples I still, often, insist to my friends that I feel more gay than straight despite having no equivelent feeling for men (just the pure desire to fuck them).

4) I feel like a fucking shithead for admitting to the above.

[Sarah Palin]

Today I intended on asking my friend out on a date because I've liked her for quite a while but I chickened out because I fear being rejected.
This is why I've grown to love the pour your heart out thread. DO EET MON. Seriously though. Do it. You can't know what'll happen unless you try.

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

Just ask her out to a bit of coffee and then some shopping or something like that. When I've turned friends into lovers, it just kinda came from me taking juuuust the right amount of initiative, but not really putting them on the spot... It always just kinda "happened" I dunno...

[Angry Young Man]

I think a recent episode of bad sex might be turning me straight

[LOLseph Stalin]

I think a recent episode of bad sex might be turning me straight

You're gay? You never told me. :(

[Pirate Utopian]

I think a recent episode of bad sex might be turning me straight
You'll do better next time.

[LOLseph Stalin]

You'll do better next time.

I'm sure he will. If he comes across any homophobes he should kick their ass. :cursing: That reminds me, another thing that really pisses me off is when people try to argue that homosexuality is a choice. What the fuck is that! People don't choose who they're attracted to.

[gorillafuck]

Just ask her out to a bit of coffee and then some shopping or something like that. When I've turned friends into lovers, it just kinda came from me taking juuuust the right amount of initiative, but not really putting them on the spot... It always just kinda "happened" I dunno...
We already get coffee together sometimes and I'm really not into shopping so that would come off as weird.

I figure I'll probably ask her to something cliche since I've never done this before.

[spiltteeth]

I think a recent episode of bad sex might be turning me straight

I think a recent episode of no sex is turning me gay.
Ya know, open up the options.

Also, I want to drink until my heart explodes.

[spiltteeth]

We already get coffee together sometimes and I'm really not into shopping so that would come off as weird.

I figure I'll probably ask her to something cliche since I've never done this before.


Do something easy at first, like going to a movie, so theres not alot of awkward conversation

[Il Medico]

I think a recent episode of no sex is turning me gay.
Ya know, open up the options.

Also, I want to drink until my heart explodes.
Trust me, it's harder to find men then women. The men have to also like men, otherwise your just lusting over something you can have. (Most of the time in my case)

Oh, and btw, that is a horrible reason to try same sex relations. Are you actually attracted to men or just horny? (which is the negative stereotype put upon many Bi men and women, I would appreciate if you didn't perpetuate it.)

[Il Medico]

You're gay? You never told me. :(
Didn't his sig of "I wash my prick in bumhole" give it away???

[Il Medico]

Ok, here is me pouring my heart out.


A few days ago I nearly went to the hospital because of not addressing my emotions. I am not the type of person to get emotional. I have a great deal of emotions, don't get me wrong, however, I never address them or communicate them, only sweep them to the back of my mind. This however isn't full proof, as although I can sweep away all the emotional hurt for a while, I can't keep it away for ever. When the emotions come back, they come in biblical proportions. A few years ago after experiencing some emotional trigger this happened. I had a number of panic/anxiety attacks. I couldn't breathe, I was sweating, and just basically physically and emotionally fell apart. This started to happen again on Monday, but thanks to the unwitting intervention of a good friend, I manged to clam my nerves temporarily. However, as me writing this shows, they are creeping back, and I can feel the stress building. I know such fucked up physical results will continue unless I start expressing what I feel, but even to a bunch of strangers, who don't even know my name (and have no reason to judge me, and couldn't hurt me if they wanted) I can't say it. I can't confide in even my closest friends. I have no one. I find myself unable to trust anyone enough to tell them anything about what I feel. What does that say about me? What does this say about my relationships with friends and family?? Why can't I trust them? What the fuck am I afraid of????

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

This thread makes me feel really good about my life :)

[Angry Young Man]

You're gay? You never told me. :(

Yea sorry about that, Dollface. I'm sure that Scarletghoul isn't your only other choice in England ;) Try Holland - I bet PU is a seckseh *****

[Pirate Utopian]

I'm smokin' hot. :cool:

[LOLseph Stalin]

Didn't his sig of "I wash my prick in bumhole" give it away???

His sig doesn't say that though.

[Il Medico]

His sig doesn't say that though.
It did for like three weeks until kevis was a dick and removed it.

[Angry Young Man]

This goes some way to explaining my current sig. I could make a joke about Norfolk.

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

VfWXo9gKYJ0

This goes out to someone, man. Her friends may call me a "authoritarian" "vanguardist" asshole, and some people might call me an "ultra-leftist" for liking her, and things may be crazy in both of our lives, but I'm still hoping we'll make it through it all.

Wish us luck, y'all.

[spiltteeth]

Trust me, it's harder to find men then women. The men have to also like men, otherwise your just lusting over something you can have. (Most of the time in my case)

Oh, and btw, that is a horrible reason to try same sex relations. Are you actually attracted to men or just horny? (which is the negative stereotype put upon many Bi men and women, I would appreciate if you didn't perpetuate it.)

Being horny is a horrible reason eh? I've heard it before from the right, sex for pleasure is wrong etc. The reason must needs be moral!

Being horny is a negative stereotype of many Bi men & women. It's also a stereotype for hetero men. And woman. In fact, pretty much everyone except my grandma. I don't doubt it. It's being jelous of some pleasure one thinks one doesn't have access to.

For me, being horny for all is natural, sex for mere pleasure is fine, and flouting it is a good thing.

But this is the trouble with pouring ones heart out, you get misunderstood. Or judged, it opens you up.

Spread your dreams upon the floor for warmth and some passerby may trample them...

[bromide]

I think what the good doctor is referring to is the fact that bi people have a negative stereotype of not actually being bisexual (as in legitimately interested in both sexes), just really slutty. This is a big complaint of the gay crowd incidentally. They think that they're sleeping with someone who is actually interested in them, only to find out that they never had a chance in the first place. In terms of sluttiness, I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you're honest about it right from the beginning. Lying about interest or emotional attachment for sex is reprehensible and cruel.

[Angry Young Man]

All I have to say is Splitteeth, you underestimate your gran

[eyedrop]

Fuck my former boss for milking out too much profit for his company so it couldn't withstand, the smallest little wave in the market.

Fuck Nav for counting just the last calender year for calculating if I'm eligble for welfare, which makes me not eligble, instead of the last 12 months.

Fuck social service for not counting in on the last two years calculation to see if I'm eligble for welfare, which again makes me not eligble.

Fuck my high school for loosing all the documentation for the last 2 years I spent there so I couldn't start studying this year.

Fuck the job market for being overflooded of young uneducated guys.

Fuck noodles, I need nutritionious food.

Fuck me for not having cash to hea out partying.

[Pogue]

This goes some way to explaining my current sig. I could make a joke about Norfolk.

I suspect Kevis may actually be homosexual himself, despite his claims to the contrary at Marxism. For example he tried to jump on top of me when we were walking through the campus and I'm sure I felt something when I was sleeping next to him...

[Bilan]

Clarity is so unbelievably underrated.
Today, after being convinced by others that I should get clarity over a friendship that is turning into a relationship, but is also not (hence ambiguity, and hence the need for clarity). I did. It is wonderful for things to be clear.
Although, strangely enough, after deciding to stay friends for now, we didn't really act like it. We did nearly the opposite of what we'd said.
Bizarre.

[Angry Young Man]

I suspect Kevis may actually be homosexual himself, despite his claims to the contrary at Marxism. For example he tried to jump on top of me when we were walking through the campus and I'm sure I felt something when I was sleeping next to him...
If I'm serious it's not something that can really be admitted in Norfolk. If I'm jocular, it's still punishable by the pillory.

[kharacter]

One of my greatest wishes when I was younger was that there would be a genocide against 99% of the population. A holocaust that took out all racists, homophobes, anti-semites, sexists, conservatives and capitalists, consumers, bigots, and all the mindless, greedy, worthless, deceitful, vile people of the world.

Nowadays, I do not support that idea because my morality does not allow me to, but if it happened well...I might not be very sad.

My general dislike (often hatred) of the vast majority of people is one of the things that led me to join this forum. I thought I'd get the chance to converse with some meaningful leftist people. Like people who aren't a waste of flesh.

[kharacter]

Oh also, I got a stuffed animal cow when I was very young, and for years it was called Mr. Moo Moo or something like that. It was a wonderful revelation when it dawned on me that cows are actually female.

I still have the thing actually.

[gorillafuck]

Kharacter, I think it's better to be guided by a love for humanity rather than a hatred of it. Try to keep that in mind.


Anywho, my friend I mentioned earlier rejected me:(

Oh well.

[Rebel_Serigan]

I have been secretly sowing mental associations about Communism being good in the minds of all my capitolist friends. I keep saying simple things like calling food we are all eating "Commy food," or for example whenever we hang out I take out a huge jug of water for everyone to drink from and it is labeled clearly in red as "COMMY WATER." I think they are starting to get the idea and it turns out I am a little better at psychoprograming than I thought. :) Now they say they same thing and share more. Haha.

[kharacter]

Kharacter, I think it's better to be guided by a love for humanity rather than a hatred of it. Try to keep that in mind.


Anywho, my friend I mentioned earlier rejected me:(

Oh well.
I'd suggest that, before anything, you celebrate the fact that you managed to ask; that's a triumph that many would only dream of achieving. You've overcome the next step, you've showed life that you can take command. Do you realize how exciting this is? This is an entire new road of life you've opened up, that under any other circumstance, you would have NEVER gotten to experience. And this road of life is special, because it took hard work. I'm sure that you will look back at this with certainty.

[bcbm]

I make life changing decisions way too frivilously. I just tell myself "Well, if you jump you have to land somewhere," and just hope I don't land in shit. But this also bodes well for my friends in Australia and Europe, cuz I'll be heading you way soon.

[Black Sheep]

I shed some tears in sad moments in movies. :bored:

:cursing:

[Jazzratt]

Nearly every problem I have at the minute is because I'm too fucking lazy to do anything about anything. I know this is true but I try to convince myself and other people that there are other factors at work.

[spiltteeth]

My blood lust is beginning to get out of control.

[LOLseph Stalin]

My blood lust is beginning to get out of control.

You vampire.

Me on the other hand, is seriously craving junk food. I wish there was a store nearby...

[RotStern]

Girls ... Make the highs higher and the lows? ... More Frequent

- Nietzsche

[hugsandmarxism]

I shed some tears in sad moments in movies. :bored:

:cursing:

I cry during sad moments in anime. :laugh:

http://img456.imageshack.us/img456/410/kanonrs5.jpg

^ this one is a real tear-jerker

EDIT: Oh yeah, I survived surgery. It's good to be back ;)

[NecroCommie]

Damn!
I just got accepted into the specialized university of forest industry. Not a problem in itself, but I just hate the fact that it is mostly populated by ugly, hairy, fat finnish equivalents of a redneck. That and the fact it is located in the last friggin corner of the godforsaken abyss. I would have preferred the university of agriculture. Full of pretty leftist girls that one.

[Il Medico]

Oh well.
That's the attitude to have mate! You asked, she said no, now you move on and find another girl. No point in crying about things you can't change.

[LOLseph Stalin]

EDIT: Oh yeah, I survived surgery. It's good to be back ;)

That's great! :lol:

[spiltteeth]

Character, I think it's better to be guided by a love for humanity rather than a hatred of it. Try to keep that in mind.


Anyhow, my friend I mentioned earlier rejected me:(

Oh well.

Good for you man! You manned up and conquered your fear! This is a very hard thing to do and you ought to be proud of yourself.

And don't worry, you can always secretly cut off portions of her hair throughout the years until you have enough for a life sized replica that smells just like her.
And hair girls never say no...

[Nwoye]

And don't worry, you can always secretly cut off portions of her hair throughout the years until you have enough for a life sized replica that smells just like her.
And hair girls never say no...
:confused:









:laugh:

[Jazzratt]

I cry during sad moments in anime. :laugh:

Oh aye. I think sad moments in most things do that - although for me the real killer is books, mainly because I tend to re-read the lines that got to me. I also choke up at, for want of a better word, "heroic" bits especially at self sacrifice.


EDIT: Oh yeah, I survived surgery. It's good to be back ;)

Still got a malignant case of Marxism-Lenism though. :p

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

Well, this is a somewhat odd situation. I have plenty of actual food, but most of it is pretty bland stuff - rice, potatos, and noodles. I'm still thinking what to spend my last £2.50 on as I munch my noodles with torn up hotdogs thrown in.

This fucked-up diet of mine certainly isn't helping me put on weight, even if my bonkers metabolism means it's impossible for me to get fat in the first place.

Oh well. At least I have enough food to last till Friday when I get paid.

[the last donut of the night]

I´m an anti-zionist. But I´m afraid to tell my friends because they´ll immediately call me an anti-semite. Which isn´t too good when 75% of your school is Jewish.

[Sarah Palin]

I´m an anti-zionist. But I´m afraid to tell my friends because they´ll immediately call me an anti-semite. Which isn´t too good when 75% of your school is Jewish.

I'M IN THE SAME FUCKING SITUATION!!!! OMG IT IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED. I would seriously rather be in a school full of hard core capitalists, because I'm more comfortable debating them. WHY CAN'T THESE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM EQUALLY ANTI-EVERY RELIGION??!! GHAAAAAAAA

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

I had an interesting problem in my own high school: Myself and most of the Jews at my school were anti-Zionist, but all of the conservative Christians were (unsurprisingly) fanatical defenders of Israel. It was kinda weird when my Jewish friends were cool with my Palestinian flag t-shirt and my keffiyeh, but I was considered an anti-Semite and a defender of terrorism by all the Baptists and Pentecostals.
Pot calling the kettle black, much?

Same thing with my Mao and RCYB shirts, my Red Guard armband on my camo jacket, and my Mao pins: only the white kids had a problem with it- none of the Chinese kids did =P

[kharacter]

Same thing with my Mao and RCYB shirts, my Red Guard armband on my camo jacket, and my Mao pins: only the white kids had a problem with it- none of the Chinese kids did =P
I remember you also saying in a thread that you collect t shirts and things for freaky figures of history. That coupled with what you said in this post is quite possibly the best fashion ever, but I'm left wondering, with what kind of money do you get all this stuff?

[Coggeh]

I want to have mindtoasters babies .

[hugsandmarxism]

Oh aye. I think sad moments in most things do that - although for me the real killer is books, mainly because I tend to re-read the lines that got to me. I also choke up at, for want of a better word, "heroic" bits especially at self sacrifice.

Same here. An example fresh in my mind is from the ending of War of the Rats, when Zeitsev was in the hospital with what's-her-face, not knowing if she would make it :crying:


Still got a malignant case of Marxism-Lenism though. :p

:laugh:

[Il Medico]

EDIT: Oh yeah, I survived surgery. It's good to be back ;)
HUGS! Your back, well, been back but....YAY! You didn't die! yay!
http://www.drclay.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/yay-dude.jpg

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

I remember you also saying in a thread that you collect t shirts and things for freaky figures of history. That coupled with what you said in this post is quite possibly the best fashion ever, but I'm left wondering, with what kind of money do you get all this stuff?

Well, I am a Maoist, so the Mao stuff just goes with it (and thus I would contest putting him in the category of "freaky figures" of history... but that's another debate for another day)- and I used to work at Revolution Books back when I was a supporter of the RCP, so I bought my pins and political shirts there. My Red Guard armband and hat were gifts from a Chinese friend of mine's parents who were ex-Red Guards and found my Maoism to be endearing. Actually, one of my Mao shirts was also a gift from a Chinese friend of mine's mother... I'm such a charmer. ^_~

As for my Jack the Ripper, Vlad Dracula, Elizabeth Bathory, and H.P. Lovecraft shirts, I get them at either http://www.sighco.com/ or at this little gothic/occult/curio shop here in Atlanta called Le Petit Mort (ha ha, such a clever little pun!!!). None of it's too expensive- no moreso than the average t-shirt.

I just know the right people, the right places, the right deals. I draw the DIY idea from punk, but try as much as possible to not look like your, well, typical leftist activist.

[kharacter]

Well, I am a Maoist, so the Mao stuff just goes with it (and thus I would contest putting him in the category of "freaky figures" of history... but that's another debate for another day)- and I used to work at Revolution Books back when I was a supporter of the RCP, so I bought my pins and political shirts there. My Red Guard armband and hat were gifts from a Chinese friend of mine's parents who were ex-Red Guards and found my Maoism to be endearing. Actually, one of my Mao shirts was also a gift from a Chinese friend of mine's mother... I'm such a charmer. ^_~

As for my Jack the Ripper, Vlad Dracula, Elizabeth Bathory, and H.P. Lovecraft shirts, I get them at either http://www.sighco.com/ or at this little gothic/occult/curio shop here in Atlanta called Le Petit Mort (ha ha, such a clever little pun!!!). None of it's too expensive- no moreso than the average t-shirt.

I just know the right people, the right places, the right deals. I draw the DIY idea from punk, but try as much as possible to not look like your, well, typical leftist activist.
No no no! I didn't categorize him under the freaky figures of history, the freaky figures were refering to only the ones you talked about in the thread you made once asking if you could wear the Jack the Ripper t-shirt. I wholeheartedly consider Maoists my comrades

To the rest I say: very cool. I'm sure you've been pretty inventive, and I applaud you for that.

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

If there's ever a RevLeft offline meetup, I'm totally coming in my keffiyeh, Jack the Ripper shirt, my Doc Martins, and my Clan Fraser kilt. Sexy.

[kharacter]

The only thing special I could wear to that is a button that says "Proud to be everything the right wing hates", that was given to me a little while ago. And please let me reiterate if it's not too much - Maoists are and will always be my comrades

EDIT: If they want to be, I'd love for them to be, but if they don't want to be they don't have to be

[NecroCommie]

...the real killer is books...
AH! Especially with characters that I have identified with for aeons! Why cannot Drizzt meet Zaknafein again?! And what the fuck went wrong with Harry Potter? Marrying Ginny? :cursing:

To be frank, I LOVE tragic heroes. I think that every true hero dies for his cause in the end. Ofcourse this makes me cry, but is that not a sign of a good book? Cursed be thee Rowling, who so fiendishly left Harry alive! The story is now unfinished in my books!

[Il Medico]

To be frank, I LOVE tragic heroes. I think that every true hero dies for his cause in the end.
Tragic figure are also my favorite, however, I disagree on what makes one a tragic hero. To me, it is not the sacrifice of one's own life, but of something much more precious, something that breaks, scars the soul of the hero. The tragic hero should be kept alive, if only to end up throwing their life away out of the pain the sacrifice caused them. But I always connect more with those who run away.

[Mujer Libre]

Had a few good days, but have crashed again.

Not seeing the point at the moment.

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

Had a few good days, but have crashed again.

Not seeing the point at the moment.

I have Bipolar Disorder Type II with rapid cycling. I sympathize greatly. =/

[Mujer Libre]

I have Bipolar Disorder Type II with rapid cycling. I sympathize greatly. =/

That sucks. :(

I'm just going through a lot of personal shit. I have hours, days where I'm okay, then periods of complete misery.

It's such a lonely feeling, and I hate being a burden to my friends and family- because all I talk about are my problems. :(

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

Welcome to my world since I was 14.

Thus I can tell you this: it too will soon pass. If you can be proactive about your problems, you can rise above them, as hopeless as it seems. If I can do it, so can you.

Speaking of which, I'm proud to report that my Anarchist friend who I spoke of earlier in this thread is doing fine and seems to be finally turning away from all that was bringing her down. Smart lass she is.

[Bilan]

The more I think about it, the less keen I am on it. And at the same time I become keen on it. It is complex, contradictory and most of all, absurd.

[fiddlesticks]

Ok, here is me pouring my heart out.


A few days ago I nearly went to the hospital because of not addressing my emotions. I am not the type of person to get emotional. I have a great deal of emotions, don't get me wrong, however, I never address them or communicate them, only sweep them to the back of my mind. This however isn't full proof, as although I can sweep away all the emotional hurt for a while, I can't keep it away for ever. When the emotions come back, they come in biblical proportions. A few years ago after experiencing some emotional trigger this happened. I had a number of panic/anxiety attacks. I couldn't breathe, I was sweating, and just basically physically and emotionally fell apart. This started to happen again on Monday, but thanks to the unwitting intervention of a good friend, I manged to clam my nerves temporarily. However, as me writing this shows, they are creeping back, and I can feel the stress building. I know such fucked up physical results will continue unless I start expressing what I feel, but even to a bunch of strangers, who don't even know my name (and have no reason to judge me, and couldn't hurt me if they wanted) I can't say it. I can't confide in even my closest friends. I have no one. I find myself unable to trust anyone enough to tell them anything about what I feel. What does that say about me? What does this say about my relationships with friends and family?? Why can't I trust them? What the fuck am I afraid of???? dear doctor captain, i was so sad reading that :[ If you ever want to talk, you can talk to me. Lay all the shit on me!! I'm sorry that happened, stress jaw breakers are the worst and no one should have to deal with it in that manner. I hope you feel better immediately <3 <3

[kharacter]

To be frank, I LOVE tragic heroes.
I used to be kill-myself-over-it obsessed with a visual novel. It had three endings, and the ending where the heroine dies was always my favorite. But I agree with The Doctor, that one does not necessarily have to die, but there has to be a great sacrifice. In the novel, the heroine's last act is done to fulfill the wishes of the one she loved, infecting the world with her image.


Had a few good days, but have crashed again.

Not seeing the point at the moment.
I understand often the worst part is the sense of hopeless that one feels, because the cycles seem endless. You start losing track of time as the days pass by with no change. But I can promise you that this will end sooner than the recurrences have led you to believe. I'd recommend holding on to something worthwhile, and becoming consumed by it, so that you have a reason to continue fighting diligently. Whether it's your politics, family, or a friendly vision in your imagination. Just make sure that it's something you can depend on. But I fear I am being to bold; it is ultimately up to you to decide how you want to approach this, and I'm sure whatever it is it will be wise. I'm sure you will u[hold that username you have, and free yourself from this. No worthwhile person such as you deserves to suffer.



Welcome to my world since I was 14.

Thus I can tell you this: it too will soon pass. If you can be proactive about your problems, you can rise above them, as hopeless as it seems. If I can do it, so can you.

Speaking of which, I'm proud to report that my Anarchist friend who I spoke of earlier in this thread is doing fine and seems to be finally turning away from all that was bringing her down. Smart lass she is.

That's awesome news. I don't know how full of life you must be to have found someone worth sharing so much with. This might be one of those kind of matches (not necessarily romance ones) that last forever and that you never hear happen in real life. Please excuse my original pessimism. I admit that I was wrong, and glad of it.


The more I think about it, the less keen I am on it. And at the same time I become keen on it. It is complex, contradictory and most of all, absurd.
That kind of reminds me of the OCD part of my problem. The more I think of something and become keen with it, the easier my mind infects it and then rejects it. I assume you must be in a confusing situation too. I'll sincerely hope for the best.


Ok, here is me pouring my heart out.


I know what it's like to have a panic attack, I had one at the doctor's office (not you, the other doctor), and one was just before a show. I do not claim to know how bad your situation is because it only happened to me sporadically, and I was weak, because my reasons were unjustified. You seem to have a very powerful machine running inside your head, which means your mental abilities must be intese. If so then. why don't you create something with your head. I used to create this visual image of myself being mutilated every time I felt my mind was going in the wrong direction. And it was purposefully intense, so I could start "refreshed" in an idolized idea of the best of me. I wish I could relate to you more.

[Il Medico]

dear doctor captain, i was so sad reading that :[ If you ever want to talk, you can talk to me. Lay all the shit on me!! I'm sorry that happened, stress jaw breakers are the worst and no one should have to deal with it in that manner. I hope you feel better immediately <3 <3
Thank you. But there is no need for me to burden you. I feel better now, my break down can wait for another day. :)

[the last donut of the night]

I'M IN THE SAME FUCKING SITUATION!!!! OMG IT IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED. I would seriously rather be in a school full of hard core capitalists, because I'm more comfortable debating them. WHY CAN'T THESE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM EQUALLY ANTI-EVERY RELIGION??!! GHAAAAAAAA


Yeah, it sucks. A lot. What´s really a pain in the ass is that most Jews in my school are only Jewish by culture (saying that they´re not religious) or even atheist. But they still carry the prejudice from most of their religious buddies (that doesn´t, of course, include the anti-zionist orthodox ones).

Also, I´m sometimes afraid to voice my political opinions in public.

[NecroCommie]

I, ofcourse, have no feelings whatsoever. I am actually a calculator uploaded into a human brain. There! Phew! I got it off my chest.

[FreeFocus]

Fuck the world. :mad: Patriarchy is so fucking choking. The most frustrating thing is not being 18 and lacking the money to affect any meaningful personal change.

[spiltteeth]

Fuck the world. :mad: Patriarchy is so fucking choking.

Thats not what my dad tells me

[mykittyhasaboner]

Nearly every problem I have at the minute is because I'm too fucking lazy to do anything about anything. I know this is true but I try to convince myself and other people that there are other factors at work.
It's like were the same exact person. Really though, even if I wasn't too lazy to try and fix my problems, I think it still would turn out like shit. Which is kind of why, Im too lazy, and have no motivation, to try and fix them....:closedeyes:
I feel as if I really have a problem with getting up and confronting some of these issues. Even though I really want to, I don't have the confidence to try.

I, ofcourse, have no feelings whatsoever. I am actually a calculator uploaded into a human brain. There! Phew! I got it off my chest.
This cheered me up though. :lol:

[spiltteeth]

My job is killing me. My co-workers do drugs and drink but I'm on parole. I finally asked them what gets them through the day and they said their kids. I have no kids. I have a complete inability to love and be loved. I do art work but after work I'm too burnt out. My psyche meds are so fucking expensive, my insurance sucks, I'm thinking about going off them and then just deteriorating.
I can't keep going on. Not possible. Life is killing me.

[mykittyhasaboner]

This is really turning out to be a shitty week for me.

[gorillafuck]

My job is killing me. My co-workers do drugs and drink but I'm on parole. I finally asked them what gets them through the day and they said their kids. I have no kids. I have a complete inability to love and be loved. I do art work but after work I'm too burnt out. My psyche meds are so fucking expensive, my insurance sucks, I'm thinking about going off them and then just deteriorating.
I can't keep going on. Not possible. Life is killing me.
There's no way I'll believe that anyone has the inability to love or be loved, you just need to find the right person even if right now you feel hopeless. Try to get out as much as you can and go to social areas and gatherings. being around people might also put a little more energy into your life.


This is really turning out to be a shitty week for me.
Why?:(

[Bilan]

That kind of reminds me of the OCD part of my problem. The more I think of something and become keen with it, the easier my mind infects it and then rejects it. I assume you must be in a confusing situation too. I'll sincerely hope for the best.


I don't think I've not been in a confusing situation for a long time. Or at least, I have at least made everything confusing.

[Killfacer]

This has been a really great week for me. Like most weeks.

[mykittyhasaboner]

Why?:(
I got all my hours cut this week, so I lack money to pretty much do anything. My place of residence has recently been infested with creepy crawly critters so I needed to take all of my shit out of my house, take out the carpet, etc etc, and spend the last of my saved up money (which I was saving for a very expensive musical instrument) to buy a new futon and carpet. All of this while I'm supposed to be starting school again, so now I'm behind with my work. Oh yeah, and I got the red ring of death on my xbox. I haven't had one ounce of fun this week, and very little to do in general, aside from all the previous stuff I mentioned. the worst part is I could have made one of my friends help me with all this complicated crap (some of the stuff in my room is terribly heavy), but I thought he was working; turns out he sat at home yesterday.


yeah, pretty shitty.

[gorillafuck]

I got all my hours cut this week, so I lack money to pretty much do anything. My place of residence has recently been infested with creepy crawly critters so I needed to take all of my shit out of my house, take out the carpet, etc etc, and spend the last of my saved up money (which I was saving for a very expensive musical instrument) to buy a new futon and carpet. All of this while I'm supposed to be starting school again, so now I'm behind with my work. Oh yeah, and I got the red ring of death on my xbox. I haven't had one ounce of fun this week, and very little to do in general, aside from all the previous stuff I mentioned. the worst part is I could have made one of my friends help me with all this complicated crap (some of the stuff in my room is terribly heavy), but I thought he was working; turns out he sat at home yesterday.


yeah, pretty shitty.
Oh, that really sucks:(

[Bright Banana Beard]

I need to go to therapy to fill out my emotion, I been having stress and being rude to everyone, fuck. :(

[Mujer Libre]

I bought a self-esteem workbook today, to fill in between psychologist appointments and give me something concrete to work towards.

Otherwise I find it very difficult to believe in anything self-improvement related. My negative inner voice just tells me it's all bullshit.

On the upside, I had a rather good day today. Still have times when I want to cry, and I was interrogated by a neurosurgeon in a tutorial. In good news, I had my hair cut and I look great. And I had my hair cut by the hottest, tallest hairdresser I've ever seen, who also had a rather endearing tremor and leaned on me in the most inappropriate ways. Lol.

I also had a great Malaysian dinner with a bunch of progressive doctors and went to a talk about the West Papuan struggle.



I need to go to therapy to fill out my emotion, I been having stress and being rude to everyone, fuck. http://www.revleft.com/vb/../revleft/smilies/sad.gif
Well, getting therapy is a great first step. And I know for me it's allowed me to find appropriate ways to let my emotions out, and to be okay with just feeling- even if that is feeling miserable.

It stops the emotions from coming out later in an inconvenient, unintended way.

[bcbm]

Man there are way too many sad bastards here.

I have two days to find someone to move into my room when I move out. Panic attack go go go go!

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

My life is fucking awesome. Fuck you all!

[kharacter]

I don't think I've not been in a confusing situation for a long time. Or at least, I have at least made everything confusing.
Even in calm times? Like in the shower, or when you're falling asleep?

[the last donut of the night]

I think this is the only thread where RevLeft users are actually nice to each other.:p

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

Today was yet another good day.

[The Bear]

i was lazio fan once , and i did sieg heil salutations in my school when i was kid... yeah i was really a tardish poser

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

Today was a very soothing day... rain pattering all day on my window, a slight cool wind hinting at autumn coming around the bend and soothing my soul.

Part of my Bipolar Disorder is having Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder, so the heat and humidity of Georgia really bring out my bad mood swings. However, around September, as the balmy heat begins to edge off a bit, and as I see October and November along the horizon, my moods even out, and I am at my happiest and stable. The rain and chilly breeze that wrapped around Atlanta this morning and afternoon saw a foreshadowing of renewal and joy for me.

An uneventful day, but a wonderful one nonetheless. Soon, I shall be singing this song:

Kfc3zcnrWMQ

[Pirate Utopian]

Today was yet another good day.
8CPlF-IEkXQ

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

Oh HELL YES.

[gorillafuck]

Today was a very soothing day... rain pattering all day on my window, a slight cool wind hinting at autumn coming around the bend and soothing my soul.

Part of my Bipolar Disorder is having Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder, so the heat and humidity of Georgia really bring out my bad mood swings. However, around September, as the balmy heat begins to edge off a bit, and as I see October and November along the horizon, my moods even out, and I am at my happiest and stable. The rain and chilly breeze that wrapped around Atlanta this morning and afternoon saw a foreshadowing of renewal and joy for me.

An uneventful day, but a wonderful one nonetheless. Soon, I shall be singing this song
That's really wonderful:)

[Jazzratt]

I think this is the only thread where RevLeft users are actually nice to each other.:p

I think you're a wanker :lol:

[Bright Banana Beard]

Bad day today, I been rejected as a friend. :'(

[the last donut of the night]

I think you're a wanker :lol:

:tt2:

[the last donut of the night]

I secretly want people to thank all my posts. wink wink, mofos

[Jazzratt]

I'm sad again. It's really quite pathetic.

[☭World Views]

I GOT BANNED FROM THE MYSPACE FORUMS FOR OWNING THE CRAPITALISTS ON A DEBATE IN THE NEWS & POLITICS FORUM.

I'm thinking of contatcting News Corporation about them to convince them that the censorship mods there are bad for their investors, idk

[Il Medico]

I'm sad again. It's really quite pathetic.
I listen to this song when I get down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMrZ7lChK-g (I know it is a bit Cliche but whatever.)


I have been listening to it all day, really pathetic because I have nothing to be sad about.

[☭World Views]

I GOT BANNED FROM THE MYSPACE FORUMS FOR OWNING THE CRAPITALISTS ON A DEBATE IN THE NEWS & POLITICS FORUM.

I'm thinking of contatcting News Corporation about them to convince them that the censorship mods there are bad for their investors, idk

Forgot to add that posts that debunk capitalism or the United States foreign policy are automatically viewed as "trolling" or "flamebaiting" by the mods at myspace forums.

[gorillafuck]

What were you saying?

[Mujer Libre]

I'm sad again. It's really quite pathetic.

*hugs*

It's okay. I cried on the train home today. Thankfully there was only one other person in the carriage.

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

I listen to this song when I get down.

The original Cohen version always gets me choked up.

[Il Medico]

The original Cohen version always gets me choked up.
I thank Cohen for writing it, but he has a god awful voice. I prefer the Wainwright, Cale, or Buckley versions.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I love you all.:blushing:

[NecroCommie]

Don't love me as much as my room-mates. They are constantly asking me to bars and to sauna and to god knows where every fucking hour! I just want to post in Revleft, watch x-files and write articles! Leave me alone! :cursing: And they get mad at me?!?!

[bellyscratch]

I'm starting to lose faith in revolutionary politics. Too much sectarianism and individual idiots seem to ruin everything, and the left is so small and ineffective its not even funny. Its quite depressing actually. So I'm listening to Joy Division as Ian Curtis' voice is my only comfort when I feel like this. :(

[NecroCommie]

Despair not my comrade! Political activity is your answer. Find organizations, volunteer for them, work for your ideology and you will see the fruits of your work. I speak with the voice of experience. Even if you are not to incite a revolution, you are sure to make myriad friends and enemies.

[bellyscratch]

Despair not my comrade! Political activity is your answer. Find organizations, volunteer for them, work for your ideology and you will see the fruits of your work. I speak with the voice of experience. Even if you are not to incite a revolution, you are sure to make myriad friends and enemies.

I do a lot of political activity already, and it seems not enough people around me are willing to do the same....

[Jazzratt]

Don't love me as much as my room-mates. They are constantly asking me to bars and to sauna and to god knows where every fucking hour! I just want to post in Revleft, watch x-files and write articles! Leave me alone! :cursing: And they get mad at me?!?!

Seriously? I wish I was being constantly being asked to go to bars or saunas by people.

[Nwoye]

Don't love me as much as my room-mates. They are constantly asking me to bars and to sauna and to god knows where every fucking hour! I just want to post in Revleft, watch x-files and write articles! Leave me alone! :cursing: And they get mad at me?!?!
quit being such a fucking loner and get off the fucking internet. live life you worthless prick.




^ that is what jealousy sounds like.

[gorillafuck]

English classes make me like reading less.

[mykittyhasaboner]

^:lol:. I know how you feel. I never read a book that and english teacher made you read unless I was terribly interested in the particular book; one was Siddhartha (as in Siddhartha Gautama aka Buddha), that was a great book. Even books I thought I would have somewhat liked just seemed like a huge bother, what with the tests and shit. Never once did we actually discuss the book in any meaningful way. Ah whatever.

I had a shitty day at work, but I got a free, tasty dinner and met some cool people. An improvemnet from the usual.

[Incendiarism]

I miss her so much. I hope she hasn't forgotten me.

[Wanted Man]

I miss her so much. I hope she hasn't forgotten me.

Amen.

[gorillafuck]

^:lol:. I know how you feel. I never read a book that and english teacher made you read unless I was terribly interested in the particular book; one was Siddhartha (as in Siddhartha Gautama aka Buddha), that was a great book. Even books I thought I would have somewhat liked just seemed like a huge bother, what with the tests and shit. Never once did we actually discuss the book in any meaningful way. Ah whatever.
Totally. I often don't read and just use the SparkNotes website.

[☭World Views]

I brought a Polish woman to my bedroom but when she saw "communist contraband" she left. wtf?

[Muzk]

over the last few weeks my sight went down to shit, i cant see in the dark rooms and when theres light it melts with objects... fucking persistent migraine aura...
now im going to bed... the only time i can forget about the shit happening on earth and finally fall asleep..

[Stranger Than Paradise]

Amen.

Amen twice.

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

I miss her so much. I hope she hasn't forgotten me.


Amen.


I brought a Polish woman to my bedroom but when she saw "communist contraband" she left. wtf?


over the last few weeks my sight went down to shit, i cant see in the dark rooms and when theres light it melts with objects... fucking persistent migraine aura...
now im going to bed... the only time i can forget about the shit happening on earth and finally fall asleep..

http://www.adaptiveaquatics.org/images/adaptivewaterski.jpg

[Mujer Libre]

I am stupid for being so trusting.

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

"The only way you can find out if someone is trust worthy is to trust them" - some bloke / blokette

[Jazzratt]

I miss her so much. I hope she hasn't forgotten me.

I can garuntee she has forgotten me or, at the very least, wants to :lol:

[Mujer Libre]

"The only way you can find out if someone is trust worthy is to trust them" - some bloke / blokette
But it's shit when you trust them for years and years and things are fine- then suddenly they change completely, violate your trust and treat you like shit- all for someone who doesn't even come close to me. I know this intellectually, but my heart wants to blame myself.

I think sometimes men forget that their penis is attached to a brain. And that their actions affect others.

[Wanted Man]

http://www.adaptiveaquatics.org/images/adaptivewaterski.jpg

It generally is, but there are always some constant niggles.

[Pinko Panther]

I just got myself kicked out of marching band.

We had our first football game on Friday. I play electric bass (not a typical marching instrument), so I didn't play for most of the songs. When halftime came, we played pretty well, especially considering that our band is about 40% freshmen such as myself.

Afterwards, we returned to the stands. A few minutes later, a fight broke out somewhere to our left. Someone shouted "GUN!" and everyone stampeded out of the stands. I, as well as most of the other band members, tried to get out of the way as fast as possible. However, 3 of our percussionists jumped over the railing and ran towards the fight. As it turns out, one of them went to go get his younger brother and bring him away from the crowd.

We left shortly after that, before the game was over. We were all a little freaked out, and glad to be leaving. But when my band director got on the bus with us, everything changed. He started screaming at us "HOW DARE YOU! YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE STANDS WAS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE! YOU SHOWED NO DISCIPLINE AT ALL TODAY! 50 PUSHUPS FOR ALL OF YOU AND I'M TAKING AWAY LEADERSHIP!" (Leadership includes the drum major, the band captain, and the brass, woodwind, and percussion lieutenants. They are the leaders of the band, and often conduct or help the younger students. They also have more authority than anyone else in the band)

The bus ride home was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. Everyone was crying. Worse yet, we have a tradition of singing the alma mater when returning from the football games and the band director wouldn't let us sing. After he left the bus, some people started singing anyway.
We collected our instruments and returned to the band room. Skylar (the band captain) was sobbing about how she had lost so much in her life and he had no right to take band away from her. The band director ignored her. He told everyone to "assume the position", and everyone got down on the floor. After 2 pushups, my friend John said "I'm out". I said "Me too" and he told us to get our things. Alexis and Skylar joined us shortly after.
Soon enough, the pushups were over. Everyone was crying and hugging each other. Skylar went around and told us not to quit, that she was coming back. That's so hard to say no to.

It's been almost two days, and I still can't think about it without getting emotional. What did the band director think he was doing? If he was hoping that we would get Stockholm syndrome, I'm afraid that it may have actually worked on a few people. I don't know what to do. Should I give him another chance? Or should I just leave? I've talked to Alexis, and she says that she's not coming back. But what about Skylar?

I apologize for the super long rant, and I don't expect anyone to read this. I just wanted to get my feelings out there.

[Wanted Man]

Amen.


Coming back to this subject, I may be on the verge of arranging something to address this in a few months. Keeping my fingers crossed. :)

[Il Medico]

But it's shit when you trust them for years and years and things are fine- then suddenly they change completely, violate your trust and treat you like shit- all for someone who doesn't even come close to me. I know this intellectually, but my heart wants to blame myself.

I think sometimes men forget that their penis is attached to a brain. And that their actions affect others.

Indeed. Some mean well, but make a bloody mess out of everything. They don't think, they just blunder forward without care of consequence. They act on impulse, they never think about who they might hurt until it's too late. These people, in my opinion, can be forgiven in time. However, the people that really hurt me are the ones who know what they are doing, but they just don't care. These people don't need forgiveness; they don't want it. The best thing we can ever hope to do is not give back to other what we receive from them. I hope your situation isn't with a person of the latter type, because knowing they meant to hurt you is so much worse. Mujer Libre, which ever is the case you must know that what they did is not your fault; its theirs.

[Mindtoaster]

http://www.adaptiveaquatics.org/images/adaptivewaterski.jpg

<3

I love my life and everyone elllsseeees. Especially communists yay

[NecroCommie]

I hate life. That however is primarily due to most lives being possessed by capitalist ideologies. Life should convert to communism.

[Nwoye]

Sooo one of my best-friends broke up w/ his long time girlfriend recently, and she isn't taking it well at all. She's had issues with depression before, and was abused sexually before she met him, and those experiences coupled with braking up with a boyfriend that she was wholeheartedly committed to is bringing up suicidal thoughts. And i guess i was her only outlet. Fuck man, I'm no psychiatrist or counselor and I simply don't know how to deal with another persons depression - I just know what affect suicide has on family members lives (i've seen it). I'm basically in an argument with this girl trying to tell her that she's valuable and that people would be devastated if she were gone. I desperately want to help her and know that if she took her life I wouldn't be able to live with myself, even though it wouldn't be because of any fault of mine. I've just never been there, so it's hard to relate to what she's feeling. 'naw mean?

[FreeFocus]

FML, my gym is basically no longer allowing "minors" to use their facilities except when with a guardian. Fucking shit.

[Jazzratt]

I'm going to try to talk to her again. Wish me luck.

[MarxSchmarx]

I just got myself kicked out of marching band.

We had our first football game on Friday. I play electric bass (not a typical marching instrument), so I didn't play for most of the songs. When halftime came, we played pretty well, especially considering that our band is about 40% freshmen such as myself.

Afterwards, we returned to the stands. A few minutes later, a fight broke out somewhere to our left. Someone shouted "GUN!" and everyone stampeded out of the stands. I, as well as most of the other band members, tried to get out of the way as fast as possible. However, 3 of our percussionists jumped over the railing and ran towards the fight. As it turns out, one of them went to go get his younger brother and bring him away from the crowd.

We left shortly after that, before the game was over. We were all a little freaked out, and glad to be leaving. But when my band director got on the bus with us, everything changed. He started screaming at us "HOW DARE YOU! YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE STANDS WAS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE! YOU SHOWED NO DISCIPLINE AT ALL TODAY! 50 PUSHUPS FOR ALL OF YOU AND I'M TAKING AWAY LEADERSHIP!" (Leadership includes the drum major, the band captain, and the brass, woodwind, and percussion lieutenants. They are the leaders of the band, and often conduct or help the younger students. They also have more authority than anyone else in the band)

The bus ride home was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. Everyone was crying. Worse yet, we have a tradition of singing the alma mater when returning from the football games and the band director wouldn't let us sing. After he left the bus, some people started singing anyway.
We collected our instruments and returned to the band room. Skylar (the band captain) was sobbing about how she had lost so much in her life and he had no right to take band away from her. The band director ignored her. He told everyone to "assume the position", and everyone got down on the floor. After 2 pushups, my friend John said "I'm out". I said "Me too" and he told us to get our things. Alexis and Skylar joined us shortly after.
Soon enough, the pushups were over. Everyone was crying and hugging each other. Skylar went around and told us not to quit, that she was coming back. That's so hard to say no to.

It's been almost two days, and I still can't think about it without getting emotional. What did the band director think he was doing? If he was hoping that we would get Stockholm syndrome, I'm afraid that it may have actually worked on a few people. I don't know what to do. Should I give him another chance? Or should I just leave? I've talked to Alexis, and she says that she's not coming back. But what about Skylar?

I apologize for the super long rant, and I don't expect anyone to read this. I just wanted to get my feelings out there.

I never understood why grown mens such as your band leader take thing so seriously. On balance you're better off for having gotten out of it. Nobody really cares about the band, trust me, move on, it's your golden opportunity.

[mannetje]

didn't ya noticed it smells over here.:closedeyes:

[gorillafuck]

I hate that people talk about eachother behind eachothers backs.

That's not because someone recently did it about me but I worry about it sometimes.

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

Today was a good day.

[mykittyhasaboner]

I just got myself kicked out of marching band.

We had our first football game on Friday. I play electric bass (not a typical marching instrument), so I didn't play for most of the songs. When halftime came, we played pretty well, especially considering that our band is about 40% freshmen such as myself.

Afterwards, we returned to the stands. A few minutes later, a fight broke out somewhere to our left. Someone shouted "GUN!" and everyone stampeded out of the stands. I, as well as most of the other band members, tried to get out of the way as fast as possible. However, 3 of our percussionists jumped over the railing and ran towards the fight. As it turns out, one of them went to go get his younger brother and bring him away from the crowd.

We left shortly after that, before the game was over. We were all a little freaked out, and glad to be leaving. But when my band director got on the bus with us, everything changed. He started screaming at us "HOW DARE YOU! YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE STANDS WAS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE! YOU SHOWED NO DISCIPLINE AT ALL TODAY! 50 PUSHUPS FOR ALL OF YOU AND I'M TAKING AWAY LEADERSHIP!" (Leadership includes the drum major, the band captain, and the brass, woodwind, and percussion lieutenants. They are the leaders of the band, and often conduct or help the younger students. They also have more authority than anyone else in the band)

The bus ride home was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. Everyone was crying. Worse yet, we have a tradition of singing the alma mater when returning from the football games and the band director wouldn't let us sing. After he left the bus, some people started singing anyway.
We collected our instruments and returned to the band room. Skylar (the band captain) was sobbing about how she had lost so much in her life and he had no right to take band away from her. The band director ignored her. He told everyone to "assume the position", and everyone got down on the floor. After 2 pushups, my friend John said "I'm out". I said "Me too" and he told us to get our things. Alexis and Skylar joined us shortly after.
Soon enough, the pushups were over. Everyone was crying and hugging each other. Skylar went around and told us not to quit, that she was coming back. That's so hard to say no to.

It's been almost two days, and I still can't think about it without getting emotional. What did the band director think he was doing? If he was hoping that we would get Stockholm syndrome, I'm afraid that it may have actually worked on a few people. I don't know what to do. Should I give him another chance? Or should I just leave? I've talked to Alexis, and she says that she's not coming back. But what about Skylar?

I apologize for the super long rant, and I don't expect anyone to read this. I just wanted to get my feelings out there.

Fuck him. Don't go back. He doesn't deserve any talented people in "his" band if he treats the musicians like that. What he did was pretty pathetic.


Also on a side note, how do you play bass like on the field? Do you have to use an amp with meters upon meters of extension cord? :lol: Or do you use a portable amp or something?

http://blog.scour.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/awesome-dog-photo.jpg

:w00t::thumbup::cool:

I hate that people talk about eachother behind eachothers backs.

That's not because someone recently did it about me but I worry about it sometimes.
People like that seriously bother me. I too wonder about how much I can trust certain people...

[mannetje]

that[s the way how lies about persons get born.

[Il Medico]

\
People like that seriously bother me. I too wonder about how much I can trust certain people...
Easy solution: Don't trust anyone.;)

[gorillafuck]

Easy solution: Don't trust anyone.;)
That would make social interactions with my friends very unfulfilling.

[mykittyhasaboner]

Easy solution: Don't trust anyone.;)
Maybe your right. However I feel if you trusted nobody then you would lose much of the point of having friends/family/comrades etc. I think life would be shitty if I could trust no-one, not that I don't already think life is shitty. :)

[gorillafuck]

Maybe your right. However I feel if you trusted nobody then you would lose much of the point of having friends/family/comrades etc.
True that.

I'm generally a happy person but I definitely wouldn't be if I didn't have people that I trusted.

[spiltteeth]

http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/ae191/spiltteeth/Trust-All.jpg

[gorillafuck]

^:laugh:

[Comrade B]

Ugh, I hate college kids...
I forgot that I hated the Whitties back at home... they are rich, think they are better than townies, and judge everyone extremely...
I just want drinking buddies, and the opportunity to learn something...
I can be surrounded with drinking buddies who all support eachother, but in the end we are all fucked over financially, or I can go to school where I am surrounded by private school kids soaking up their parent's limitless cash fucking around. There is a girl getting 100$ every two weeks... all of which goes to acid and alcohol.
It is one thing that my friends and I spend all our work money on booze, but we are working for that... these people are just living off their parents...
I am running low on cash so I have had to cut back on alcohol... I have been sober 3 days now... and my sanity is dwindling... I work, have a cigarette, talk to a couple people about some vain or meaningless topic, and then chill in my room listening to music and studying more...
Maybe I am just bitter because I have been sober for too damn long.

[MarxSchmarx]

Ugh, I hate college kids...
I forgot that I hated the Whitties back at home... they are rich, think they are better than townies, and judge everyone extremely...
I just want drinking buddies, and the opportunity to learn something...
I can be surrounded with drinking buddies who all support eachother, but in the end we are all fucked over financially, or I can go to school where I am surrounded by private school kids soaking up their parent's limitless cash fucking around. There is a girl getting 100$ every two weeks... all of which goes to acid and alcohol.
It is one thing that my friends and I spend all our work money on booze, but we are working for that... these people are just living off their parents...
I am running low on cash so I have had to cut back on alcohol... I have been sober 3 days now... and my sanity is dwindling... I work, have a cigarette, talk to a couple people about some vain or meaningless topic, and then chill in my room listening to music and studying more...
Maybe I am just bitter because I have been sober for too damn long.

That does not read like a sober person talking...

[mykittyhasaboner]

.....procrastination...........

[ls]

Being hammered from all sides of.. life is really fun, until you lose all your metaphorical teeth/hearing/seeing etc.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I having hard time struggling with communicating with other, that is why I am so alone. I am partial deaf on both ears.

[Qayin]

if any of you guys were in AZ you could chill with me and smoke some dank.

I have 3 leftist friends,and a girlfriend.i do have a hard time communicating though
fucking life in Arizona suburbs are fucking boring

[Panda Tse Tung]

Sex.

[El Rojo]

this was a comment on the guardian by a green of some type, in response to executive pay raises. they are not my words. but it beautifully encapsulates what I want to say, but can't. anywhoo



To most of us mere mortals this state of affairs defies rational sense and is an affront to any measure of morality or fairness. And yet are we really surprised? Recent history surely shows us that there is no real sense of fairness or equity in existence when it comes to the distribution of wealth and the reward for hard work in our society. So the managerial class continue to award themselves the most obscene payouts whilst the rest of us suffer the devastating hardships of a recession, which this very same class helped create through blind greed and incompetence.
And we the suffering majority, who have bank rolled the survival of this profoundly dishonest and unfair system with billions of pounds of tax revenue, are rewarded with job losses, wage cuts and the destruction of barely adequate pension packages. Final salary pensions are apparently a reward too far for the hard working poorly paid majority who are now expected to lie down and swallow an insecure present and an impoverished future. Yet the rewards for the top few percent just keep on escalating. We are being utterly, utterly shafted so that this managerial/banking elite can carry on as usual, rewarding itself ever more obsene sums of our money, laughing at our own collective impotence, apathy and servitude.
Again, are we surprised? should we be surprised? Recent history shows 30 years of government in this country which has continually undermined and attacked any sense of proportionality or fairness in the way pay, security and socio-economic reward is distributed in an ever-increasingly unequal and immoral society. This is the true 'broken Britain' and neither of the two main parties shows any inclination to reverse this descent into barbarism, exploitation and injustice; rather they seek to reinforce and extend it.
So what to do? How do the long suffering majority react, what can we do? If ever there was a time for direct action, of direct physical intervention to level the power, wealth and priviledge of these grotesque, self-serving elites, through violence if necessary, it is surely now? A system which so obviously betrays all sense of fairness and human dignity, which is so obviously defined by its desire to discriminate in favour of the few to the detriment of the majority, is truelly a system which has lost all sense of legitimacy and any moral requirement on our part to uphold the normal concerns for social order and of adhering to legal authority. Smash the rich then? Hell no, lets instead sit back and watch the poor, down-trodden and abused blindly go out and vote Tory by the million next year; to finally prove that for all our indignation and moral outrage at our servitude and misfortune, we probably deserve the shafting we are getting for our own pitiful, spineless apathy and lack of self-respect; the denial of our own fundamental self interest and basic rights as individuals within a collective society.
It is a truelly shocking state of affairs, and until we are prepared to react through direct physical action to stand up and fight our own corner, one that we seemingly, collectively, deserve. Come on people, lets fight the power, eat the rich, reclaim the streets, destroy the centres of extreme wealth and privilege. If we don't do it now then we are simply blindly walking into an ever more totalitarian controlled, socially and economically stratified, quasi-fascist future in which privilege and gross inequality are ever more firmly entrenched. Who amongst us is prepared to make a stand?






BOOM HEADSHOT/HELLYEOAR/QUE SE VAYAN TODOS/VIVA!!!!

[spiltteeth]

Date tonight. Hope my penis still works.

[Nwoye]

Date tonight. Hope my penis still works.
if you don't use it you lose it

[Andrei Kuznetsov]

I just had successful weekend with this new woman. How I'm feeling at the moment:

TaqYgWc8-vs

[spiltteeth]

Date tonight. Hope my penis still works.


Status of penis : Unconfirmed

Status of me being a complete fucking moron when it comes to the opposite sex : Double Confirmed

[Nwoye]

Status of penis : Unconfirmed

Status of me being a complete fucking moron when it comes to the opposite sex : Double Confirmed
:laugh:

[gorillafuck]

Status of penis : Unconfirmed

Status of me being a complete fucking moron when it comes to the opposite sex : Double Confirmed
That sucks.

[Invincible Summer]

I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder - will be entering therapy next week.

It really sucks because I can't even bring myself to call my friends to hang out - I always have to wait for them to call me, and I'm sure I'm offending some of my friends that way.
I can't make friends in my uni classes (until we're forced into groups or something and have to get to know each other), so if I don't understand something or miss class, then I'm fucked.
I have to drink to be able to be sociable at parties - this sucks if it's a dry one
If I want to speak in public/to a stranger/when not spoken to, my heartbeat races so hard... almost as if I'm sprinting down a block.
It's still really hard for me to make a phone call to anyone but my parents and girlfriend... if I try to, my heartbeat races in a similar way.

I hate it and it's irrational, but I can't help it.

What I'm afraid of is that I'm just staying with my girlfriend because I'm (subconsciously) too scared to talk to her about breaking up. I'd hate being with her for this whole time, only to realize I've just been subconsciously "putting up" with her or something. Fuck.

[NecroCommie]

Status of penis : Unconfirmed

Status of me being a complete fucking moron when it comes to the opposite sex : Double Confirmed
Status of you being interested in philosophy: Ultra-confirmed!

[Random Precision]

What do you do when someone you love just uses your presence to beat upon themselves emotionally? What do you do if all that someone can think about when you're around is how you make them feel bad? What are you supposed to do when that someone actually feels better not having you around and missing you than having you around and feeling bad?

Anyone can provide an answer to those questions, you'll be my hero forever.

[Nwoye]

in the darkened underpass, I thought oh god, my chance has come at last. but then a strange fear gripped me and i just couldn't ask.

[#FF0000]

I'm distant from my friends because they remind me of how embarrassed I am of myself.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I have to admit to you guys that I had enjoyed seeing ladies' butt! How do I stop this desire!?

[Bright Banana Beard]

You know what suck about me? I can't go with group of friends (4 or more friends). I generally will not understand them at all since I am hard of hearing on both ears and I will have to say "what?" over 9000 times. Thus I can only go with 3 or less friends. I envy you all that you able to understand what is going on within the group while I am on mute mode if the case happen to me. :crying::crying:

[gorillafuck]

I'm distant from my friends because they remind me of how embarrassed I am of myself.
That sucks, why are you embarrassed of yourself?:(

[NecroCommie]

You know what suck about me? I can't go with group of friends (4 or more friends). I generally will not understand them at all since I am hard of hearing on both ears and I will have to say "what?" over 9000 times. Thus I can only go with 3 or less friends. I envy you all that you able to understand what is going on within the group while I am on mute mode if the case happen to me. :crying::crying:
What irony of fate! People around me are the type that I'd prefer to be deaf. Luckily I can simulate temporary deafness with my mp3 player. :cool:

[spiltteeth]

You know what suck about me? I can't go with group of friends (4 or more friends). I generally will not understand them at all since I am hard of hearing on both ears and I will have to say "what?" over 9000 times. Thus I can only go with 3 or less friends. I envy you all that you able to understand what is going on within the group while I am on mute mode if the case happen to me. :crying::crying:

Can't you use a hearing aid?

[Bright Banana Beard]

Can't you use a hearing aid?
They are too expensive, like 10k each. The crappy one will only help a bit. Generally, I want a good one.

[Il Medico]

I have to admit to you guys that I had enjoyed seeing ladies' butt! How do I stop this desire!?
Why would being attracted to someone's ass be a problem for you?

[spiltteeth]

They are too expensive, like 10k each. The crappy one will only help a bit. Generally, I want a good one.

I guess your health insurance won't cover it?
This place may be able to hook you up with one - http://www.lhh.org/

Or you could you use this -batphones-

http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/ae191/spiltteeth/batphones-1.jpg

[#FF0000]

That sucks, why are you embarrassed of yourself?

I don't know. I think I'm just uncomfortable and self-conscious around people so I get embarrassed by things that really aren't even of any importance.

[The Accomplice]

Boy, I wonder if that restaurant managed to get my job application. Man I hope they call. I need that fucking job.

[Budog]

:( OK, so I want to pitch a *****, aka rant... At my work last week I had to pack out a resident at my center who had been terminated from our program. It took eight damn duffel bags to pack up all the shit in his locker! Well by the time I finished with this stinky assed rednecks shit it was too late to take it to the warehouse for shipping. Since it was my "Friday" (Wednesday) I left a note in the logbook for my part time coworkers to do it the next day. Well I show up on my "Monday" (Saturday) and the two lazy pieces of shit didn't do it! So when they came in later in the day I asked them why they didn't do it. One of the guys got all butt hurt and ran to the shift manager. He told them a bunch of bullshit lies and tried to get me and my other full time coworker in trouble... Needless to say, today he didn't even have the balls to face me! He tried to wait until I left, but no such luck. As I was driving off campus he was walking past. I slammed on the breaks on my Jeep and gave him a case of the major stink eye, then I just shook my head and laughed at his sorry ass... I think he shit himself! :laugh:

Budog.