Political Beliefs & Dating

[Klute77]

Following on from the previous thread on how open people are about their political beliefs I'd be curious to know how others feel about the political beliefs of those they become or are thinking of becoming romantically involved with?

For me I'm afraid that if someone was right wing in their outlook it would be hard for me to get serious about them (luckily my boyfriend of many years is also left wing). It's not just a matter of bigotry but more that our values would be at such odds that it would result in a fundamental incompatibility or at least I have always found this to be the case even with platonic friendships. I'm not saying its right its just the way it happens.

I'd love to hear about experiances and opinions on this.

[Sugar Hill Kevis]

"you're left wing, but like, so's cuba, and castro is a bit of a dictator" - my ex

Politics didn't come in to play for a while... As long as they're tolerant and everything, I don't see a problem. I'd hate to have a relationship built on politics. There's so much more to it.

[Klute77]

I do agree that there is of course much more to it but I find that I am and have always been much more naturally compatable with those of a similar view point. It is a failing on my part I admit, my one real prejudice. I'm not proud of it.

[Pirate turtle the 11th]

I will not stand in the same room as someone who has any differing views to me.

[black magick hustla]

actually girls who end up liking me are really normal. so i cant talk shit about politics. unless she is really conservative and cares too much about politics i dont see the problem

[Klute77]

I dunno, sometimes I think maybe apathy, although I can understand it annoys me more than being right wing. At least you can have a good spar with someone who is conservative and politically aware :D

[Sugar Hill Kevis]

I do agree that there is of course much more to it but I find that I am and have always been much more naturally compatable with those of a similar view point. It is a failing on my part I admit, my one real prejudice. I'm not proud of it.

If they're opposite, I like the banter,.

[Killfacer]

As long as she isn't rightwing then i'm not bothered.

Most of my exs have just been completely uninterested in politics.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I can only go along if she very uninterest or leftist, I can't stand girl who believes in God(s).

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

If having a rigorous debate as a prelude angry sex is a possibility, count me in! :D

[hammer and sickle]

I only date people with similar beliefs to mine. I think politics is important in a relationship because it determines your views on the world and how are you suppose to love or even LIKE someone when they have opposing world views! I cant spend 5 minutes at the same table as a conservative at school!

[ZeroNowhere]

If having a rigorous debate as a prelude angry sex is a possibility, count me in! :DBut what if it culminated in sex during which you're visualizing the Munich massacre? Apparently it's not especially entertaining.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

But what if it culminated in sex during which you're visualizing the Munich massacre? Apparently it's not especially entertaining.

If I'm being distracted by the images in my head, then obviously one or both of us is crap at fucking.

[Klute77]

But what if it culminated in sex during which you're visualizing the Munich massacre? Apparently it's not especially entertaining.

I just watched Munich the other week and it's a good film but that love scene at the end is bordering on the ridiculous. Especially as it reaches it's climax.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

I just watched Munich the other week and it's a good film but that love scene at the end is bordering on the ridiculous. Especially as it reaches it's climax.

Haven't seen that film. It didn't seem like the kind of film to have a sex scene in it, from what I heard.

Fuckin' Hollywood, ruinin' my fantasies! :blushing:

[black magick hustla]

I only date people with similar beliefs to mine. I think politics is important in a relationship because it determines your views on the world and how are you suppose to love or even LIKE someone when they have opposing world views! I cant spend 5 minutes at the same table as a conservative at school!

THis is a shitty attitude. A communist can get along with everyone. Most people have dumb political outlooks, are you just gonna cut them out of your world?

[ev]

are political views really relevant in a romantic relationship? to be honest i don't think so..

[Devrim]

My wife thinks that communism is a 'burning neccesity for humanity'. It is just that she personally isn't interested in it at all and very rarely talks about it.
I think it would be good to be in a relationship with somebody who you shared political things with though. I don't think mean in a vague way of having sort of similar values. I mean a sort of common political work.
Devrim

[Nothing Human Is Alien]

There have been several threads about this in the past.


I think it would be good to be in a relationship with somebody who you shared political things with though. I don't think mean in a vague way of having sort of similar values. I mean a sort of common political work.

That pretty accurately describes my wife and I. I wouldn't have it any other way.


actually girls who end up liking me are really normal. so i cant talk shit about politics."Normal girls" don't talk about politics?

[ev]

"Normal girls" don't talk about politics?
I think by normal he means the average citizen, one who doesn't know what communism or socialism is.. I understand where he's coming from, i mean why talk politics to someone who wouldn't understand what you're saying, why make them feel uneducated on the subject? I say share moment, ideas, conversations which you can both enjoy.

[jake williams]

To be totally honest, I kind of limit my interaction with people who I'm not at least sort of on side with politically. Politics really is a big part of my everyday life and if someone is really bothered by my views and activities, or I'm really bothered by theirs, it makes it hard to comfortably interact with them. I do sort of have a set of political friends and a set of less political friends, but the less political friends for the most part are at least kind of left wing. As far as intimate relationships go, that's even more the case. I can't imagine having that sort of a close relationship with someone I'm really uncomfortable with on a moral level - at least for a sustained period of time.

[Sugar Hill Kevis]

I'm kind of surprised (although I shouldn't be) that just about everyone here has limited any interaction with conservatives... I'm probably going to be hated on for this, and it's probably a reflection of where I've grown up, but Norfolk's a conservative heartland. If I seceded from friendships with conservatives I'd lose quite a lot of friends.

Most of the people I hang around with are apolitical, some are conservative through osmosis of living in Norfolk and some are genuine hardline conservatives. A fair few of my friends have sort of become 'left' through affiliation (genuine left, not liberals, but without much desire to be active), but the role politics plays in my social life is pretty minimal. My anarchist friends are a totally different social group to the friends I've grown up with; I'm friends with them both for different reasons - although I find them all to be thoroughly pleasant people.

To bring it back to dating, to reiterate myself in an earlier post, it doesn't particularly bother me. Being with a die hard neo-liberal (foaming at the mouth for privatisation) would probably strain a relationship for me -but then again, thatcher aside (who I would totally rail for bragging rights) you don't find many girls of such a persuasion - but that aside it's no biggie. Obviously I wouldn't be with a fash.

I think NHIA and Devrim's are the most interest comments here, since they're both older. I'd be kind of interested as to the experiences of the older members here of going out with girls who might not have shared their views. After all I'm just being all hypothetical here.

[black magick hustla]

"Normal girls" don't talk about politics?

They do. Some people are not interested in militant work though. My partners generally respect that I do some stuff and that is just fine with me.

[New Tet]

Following on from the previous thread on how open people are about their political beliefs I'd be curious to know how others feel about the political beliefs of those they become or are thinking of becoming romantically involved with?

For me I'm afraid that if someone was right wing in their outlook it would be hard for me to get serious about them (luckily my boyfriend of many years is also left wing). It's not just a matter of bigotry but more that our values would be at such odds that it would result in a fundamental incompatibility or at least I have always found this to be the case even with platonic friendships. I'm not saying its right its just the way it happens.

I'd love to hear about experiances and opinions on this.

This may sound idealistic but, well, here it goes: Love trumps politics.

The affection two or more people may have for each other can be greater than their political differences. That is, if by "affection" one means loyalty, compassion, empathy and solidarity as expressed in human interaction [and practices] consistent with those principles.

Study Erich Fromm, a Marxist proponent of love.

[Primus_Raven]

For me I'm afraid that if someone was right wing in their outlook it would be hard for me to get serious about them (luckily my boyfriend of many years is also left wing). It's not just a matter of bigotry but more that our values would be at such odds that it would result in a fundamental incompatibility or at least I have always found this to be the case even with platonic friendships. I'm not saying its right its just the way it happens.


For me its pretty much the same. I would find it very hard to strike up any meaningful relationship with a right winger. As you stated its not out of bigotry, but of values. And compatibility.

It gets difficult with friends as well. I have a couple friends which I have had for years (since before I became politically aware/active) that I am at odds with politically. Though not necessarily right wing, they are not exactly pro communist either. This has caused several arguments/fights in the past, and puts a lot of stress on our friendship.

[ev]

This may sound idealistic but, well, here it goes: Love trumps politics.

The affection two or more people may have for each other can be greater than their political differences. That is, if by "affection" one means loyalty, compassion, empathy and solidarity as expressed in human interaction [and practices] consistent with those principles.

Study Erich Fromm, a Marxist proponent of love.

Hear, hear!

[hammer and sickle]

THis is a shitty attitude. A communist can get along with everyone. Most people have dumb political outlooks, are you just gonna cut them out of your world?
The fact is most people can't except the fact that Im a Communist when I told my last girlfriend she thought I was joking... If anything they are cutting me out of their world. My parents still think me being a Communist is some sort of "rebellious stage".

[Dooga Aetrus Blackrazor]

I'm fine with opposing views as long as the person approaches them somewhat rationally and is legitimately open to alternatives.

With respect to communism, there is one requirement I'd probably have. A person has to be sympathetic to the goals of "real" communism. They have to believe that "if" it were possible, communism is desirable. We can argue about possibility all you want.

Anyone who hears about what communism really is and thinks the idea, if achieved, is undesirable, is someone I'm probably not interested in associating with. They probably think they're better than everyone else, deserve more, et cetera. I even bend this rule some.

I just love discussing politics and rational people. Rationality is a point and show trait that I can't really describe. Aside from that, the views don't matter a lot to me.

[eyedrop]

The girlfriend i have now, been together for 4,5 years, was a supporter of Høyre, Right, (a mainstream free-market, lower taxes party, or center-right) but as long as people have social opinions that are somewhat equal to mine and generally wish prosperity to humankind it doesn't matter what means they think will lead to it.

Now she is almost an anarchist though, or atleast symphathetic to it. But it took about 3 years, of my influence, and a bachelor in a social science to "turn" her.

What I think I couldn't stand would be a mate who changed her/his ideology on a whim.

[Bilan]

Politics in relationships doesn't really play that big of a role for me. Never has.

[Mala Tha Testa]

Uhhm, My Last Girlfriend Was Sort Of Anarchistic.
Not Really An Anarchist Though.
When I'd Talk To Her Though, She Agreed.
Maybe She Didn't Understand And Just Wanted Me To Shut Up.
Haha.

But It's Not Important At All To Me.
Unless We Got Into Major Arguments And Whatnot.
Debates And Stuff Are Fine Though.
Most Girls Around My Area Are Either Apathetic Or WhateverViewsMyParentsHaveistic.
Ha.

[Qayin]

My gf's pretty left,pretty apathetic about it though. Id say shes a socialist

[NecroCommie]

The fact is most people can't except the fact that Im a Communist when I told my last girlfriend she thought I was joking... If anything they are cutting me out of their world. My parents still think me being a Communist is some sort of "rebellious stage".
Agreed. Besides: we can't force anyone to like everyone. But we can demand civil behaviour. That is why it is alot better to shut out people with opposing ideologies, than to start fighting them at every turn, or worse still: trying to convert them in a jehovas witness kind of style. "You look like a person who's political life is off-tracks, we can help you out..."

Political views and world-views are very important to me in every aspect of life. My life is heavily influenced by my political views, and by that virtue alone alot of girls dont even want to become involved with me. And thats OK with me, since I would find it hard to live with a cappie anyway.

A good example was this friend that was a girl (not a girlfriend), who always insisted on going shopping and demanding "love across class boundaries". And all I found myself thinking was "what a god damn materialist and a class traitor". We're still in good terms but I dont like spending too much time with her for obvious reasons.

[Rawthentic]

I'm glad this came up.

The other day, I was pondering, and thought, why not love for the sake of love? Isn't there something innately human and beautiful about just that? Why use the possibility of love and the things it comes with as a means to further your politics?

Don't get me wrong, I think certain commonalities in a relationship are vital, but we shouldn't forget to love...for the sake of it, as New Tet said.

[Wanted Man]

THis is a shitty attitude. A communist can get along with everyone. Most people have dumb political outlooks, are you just gonna cut them out of your world?
This, basically. I can't imagine how politics would be a problem. Unless the other person was an actively obnoxious racist, and in-your-face about it all the time. But that would be unattractive to almost everyone regardless of politics.


A good example was this friend that was a girl (not a girlfriend), who always insisted on going shopping and demanding "love across class boundaries". And all I found myself thinking was "what a god damn materialist and a class traitor". We're still in good terms but I dont like spending too much time with her for obvious reasons.
Well, it sounds kind of silly the way you put it, but a lot of people don't have a very strong understanding of class, never mind a terribly absolutist point of view (they shouldn't, anyway!). If you're just cool about your politics (i.e. no "zomg you want to go shopping? class traitor!!"), she may be more understanding about it in the first place, and you might be able to get some good "love across class boundaries" (LOL).

What's wrong with shopping, anyway?

[Comrade B]

Always dated left girls, one of my ex's was from Uzbekistan, I had some very interesting conversations with her father, he liked to talk about how little things that were shitty during the soviet union, got massively worse after the soviet union.